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[Archive] 2013 interview with Jonathan Cheechoo

August 19, 2014 Leave a comment

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My interview with Jonathan Cheechoo posted on The Score’s Backhand Shelf blog on November 28, 2013. Cheechoo was right in the middle of his first season abroad, playing in Croatia for the KHL’s Medvescak Zagreb. Cheechoo was named an assistant captain of the first year team, made the all-star game, and finished 16th in league scoring. Despite a solid season, Zagreb was swept in the first round by Lev Praha.

Cheechoo has signed with the KHL’s Belarus based Dinamo Minsk HC for the 2014-15 season.

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Life after the Rocket Richard Trophy: An interview with Jonathan Cheechoo

jonathan cheechoo

Jonathan Cheechoo hasn’t exactly been making headlines over the last few years, but that isn’t because he hasn’t been around. After his award winning 56 goal season in 2005-06 with the San Jose Sharks, Cheechoo’s point production steadily headed south, along with his health – to the point where he was bought out of his last NHL contract, and relegated to the minors. After spending the last four seasons with four different AHL clubs, Cheechoo has resurfaced with Medveščak Zagreb of Croatia in the KHL — the league that many consider to be the NHL’s top rival. At the moment, he looks like the Jonathan Cheechoo of old on the scoresheet — leading his team in points, and even wearing the captain’s “C” on his jersey.

Cheechoo graciously spoke with me recently about his KHL experience, the league’s reputation, his battle with injuries, playing with Joe Thornton, his thoughts on returning to the NHL, and a whole lot more.

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First off, Barry Brust was nice enough to put this interview together, how has Barry been as a goalie for you guys so far? He broke Johnny Bower’s 55 year old AHL shutout streak last season with the Abbotsford Heat, and has nine wins and three shutouts for you guys as of now this season.  

Cheechoo: “He’s been great. He’s stepped in and made some big saves, and kept us on our longest winning streak of the season. He’s definitely a bit of an unorthodox goalie as far as the way goalies go today, but he gets the job done. He’s pretty solid. He competes hard. That’s one thing you don’t see in some goalies – some goalies are technically sound but you don’t really see a compete level in them. They’ll say ‘I was in the right spot, and if you beat me, you beat me’, whereas he’s passionate about making saves. You don’t see that a lot.”

Why did you choose Medveščak Zagreb in Croatia over others, say HV71 in Sweden who you played for in 04-05 during the NHL lockout, or any of the other teams and countries you could have had your pick of with your background?

Cheechoo: “For me it was just opportunity. We’d been on holidays in Croatia about four or five years ago and really enjoyed it. For me, the last three years or so I was trying to get back into the NHL and in those spots I really didn’t have my family around all that much. So, for me it was important to pick a spot where I could have them with me, we could enjoy it together, and I was still able to play at a top level against top competition.”

How is the KHL? Obviously it’s a good place if people like Ilya Kovalchuk are willing to leave huge NHL contracts to play there, but there are also some stories of teams not paying players, and obviously the facilities and materials can at times be questionable looking at the Lokomotiv Yaroslavl airplane incident – how has your experience been with your team? What have you seen or heard as far as horror stories from other guys in the league? Is any of it true, or is it all just made up?

Cheechoo: “I think obviously some of the things in the stories must have happened in the past. But since I’ve been here, the word I’ve got is that the KHL hires an insurance firm so that if you’re not paid after a certain amount of time by your team, they pay the salary out of the KHL insurance that they have on the contracts. Nowadays I’m not sure how true not being paid is, but I can only speak for this team. I’ve only been on this team and guys I’ve talked to, for the most part, everyone’s been paid. I think there are a few stories like that though. For us here playing in Zagreb, we fly on Croatian Airlines, so we rent the actual planes that fly everyone around out of Croatia anyway, so that’s pretty much as safe as you’re going to get. Things maybe will happen that are out of your control. I can’t really speak for the Russian teams; some things may be different over their way. But I’ve heard of guys that have their own private jets and stuff like that to fly them around, so kind of on par with an NHL team in that regard.”

So when the opportunity arose for you to sign with Zagreb, were any of those stories in the back of your mind, or did you think that as a new team that was probably set up pretty well financially, it was a low-risk situation to join them? 

Cheechoo: “For me, I’d heard rumblings about the past, but I talked to a few guys. I talked to Aaron Fox, the GM here, and was pretty much assured that was all in the past. The KHL’s looking to make a good name for themselves here with the team as well, so to get players, you can’t fall behind in payments or anything like that and I think they knew that and that was a pretty big reassurance to hear that, coming from them. Anytime you go somewhere new it’s a leap of faith too. For us, we felt it was time to move on and try something new, and I still wanted to play at the highest level I could. For me, I saw the KHL as being where you’ve got a lot of guys that could be playing in the NHL playing in this league. I figured this was the next best league, outside of that.”

Is the KHL an even level to the NHL these days, or is it still a step back? Obviously there is a lot of talent there, but where do you see the league right now, comparatively? 

Cheechoo: “It’s a pretty solid, competitive league. Everyone has a chance to win every night. Over here, you see a lot of games where top teams are getting upset by the weaker teams. That’s the key to a good league, whereas some of the lesser leagues you know that there’s this team coming in that you can beat no problem. It’s almost like a point night. Even in the AHL you’ll be playing a young team and it’s pretty much like you should beat them. Whereas over here, there’s maybe one team every year that doesn’t do so well. But for the most part, every team’s in every game, they’re tight games, occasionally you’ll get the blowouts, but for the most part there’s two good teams playing each other.”

What about just life in Croatia and Russia, is it a challenge with culture shock or the language barrier for you and your family? Have you picked up the language?  

Cheechoo: “I picked up a bit of Croatian, not a lot. I’ve got the key words down, but other than that I think my son’s picking it up faster than I am. But it’s been great. I’ve enjoyed it. We’re pretty adventurous as a family, and this is a thing where we looked at it and said, ‘we can have fun over there, there’s a lot of stuff to see and do’. My wife’s taking advantage while we’re on road trips, going around travelling a little bit and we’ve travelled a little when we’ve had breaks. It’s not too far off. For me, the hardest part about moving here was probably learning to drive stick. I hadn’t done that in about ten years, so re-learning to drive stick was probably the hardest part. Pretty much everybody speaks English or can somehow communicate with you, through sign language and stuff, because they get enough tourists here I guess.”

Do a lot of people in that country know who you are from your NHL career and what you did there, or do you have some anonymity in that part of the world? 

Cheechoo: “A lot of people know who I am. I got a lot of press when I signed and before I came over here. They’re pretty knowledgeable fans too and they’re pretty hard supporters. Coming over here, the one thing they told me was to be prepared, everyone is going to know who you are and everything you do. It’s not that big of a deal, everyone’s pretty respectful, and they let you go about your business. You may get a few kids asking for autographs but that’s something you should enjoy.”

You’re currently first in team goals, third in team scoring, top 40 in league scoring…have you had to make any adjustments to your game to be successful over there? Do you feel pressure to put up big numbers as an import with an NHL and award winning background? 

Cheechoo: “I’ve felt great. I put in a good summer of work before I came over here, and then we had quite a long training camp to get ready, so coming into the season I felt strong, felt ready, and I was healthy, which has been half the battle for the last six or seven years of just trying to stay healthy. So far, so good. In terms of pressure, I probably put more pressure on myself to score – because I love to score – than anyone could possibly put on me. It’s one of those things that I take pride in, being able to score. Coming over here, the main adjustment was just the big ice, getting used to it, and its different angles. You go to take a shot from what would be the slot, and it’s a little farther out than what it would normally be. It’s just compiling those things, and getting used to them. I figure I have. I feel a lot better playing on the big ice now. At home, we have small ice anyway, so that’s the challenge – adjusting back and forth.

Speaking of scoring, and to turn back the clock a little, in 05-06 you won the Maurice Richard Trophy as the NHL’s leading goal scorer with 56 goals, lead the NHL in game winning goals with 11, and set franchise records for the San Jose Sharks  –  most goals in a season (56), power play goals in a season (24), and hat tricks in a season (5). Most reports assume that you were simply the benefactor of Joe Thornton that year. Do you agree with that notion, or do you feel like that is a slight to you and what your talent allowed you to accomplish that year?  

Cheechoo: “It’s alright, I don’t mind. Joe is a talented player. He was great to play with. I think the thing that made us play so well together was that I love to score and shoot, and he’s a think first pass player. He always comes in and he’s thinking pass before he thinks shoot. Then if his passing options aren’t open, he’ll shoot and he’s still a threat, so it keeps the goalie honest. That helps open up a little more time and space, and the goalie has to respect him a little more. He got like 20 goals a year as well, he wasn’t just a passer. Playing with him was pretty amazing, but he’s played with a lot of great scorers. I think I got the most goals out of anyone that’s played with him, so I did do a little bit of the work myself.”

Have you found anyone since then that you’ve clicked with on the level that you did with Joe? Your numbers did start to decline after the 05-06 season; by 09-10, your production was cut to 14 points with Ottawa and you were bought out of your contract. In your opinion, how did that happen? Do you mostly attribute it to injuries? 

Cheechoo: “I think injuries played a big part in it. That was the only year I played in all the games. The injuries took their toll on me and my body. I hurt my knees – my MCL’s three times each – and after a while, it takes a toll on you. All the injuries add up and slow you down a little bit, but I felt I regrouped well in the minors and started to feel strong again. Down there, I don’t think I really played with anybody that had quite the passing ability of guys that I played with in the past. Playing a little bit with Patrick O’Sullivan, we clicked well together when we were in Peoria, but other than that I never really played with a pure passer since then. But now over here, it seems like I’m playing on a good line — me and Matt Murley have clicked quite a bit, and Billy Thomas. Those two guys are pretty good players that look to pass the puck, so it’s been fun being the shooter-type guy on the line again.”

When you were playing in the minors, did you think about making it back to the NHL someday? Do you aim for or envision an NHL return in the future, or are you content with where you are in the KHL? 

Cheechoo: “To get back to the NHL would be the ultimate thing. That’s the top league in the world. But for me, I work hard when I’m down. I love playing hockey. I’m not going to cheat the game. I always play hard, wherever I am. I play to win. If I can get another shot at it, then I can get another shot at it. If not, I’m going to work my hardest for whatever team I’m playing on, and try to win. I love winning, and it sucks to lose. Being able to be part of a team and playing is a big thing for me, but I want to be able to produce at the same time. I want to bring my best game out. I think the only way I can really help the team is if I’m out there giving my all.”

Do any of those old injuries affect you today, or are you totally healthy nowadays?

Cheechoo: “Everything’s good. I felt good when I went down to Oklahoma City last year. I hurt my back two years ago and I missed some games, but last year I sat out half the year and I think it helped heal pretty much everything. When I came back the second half of the season in Oklahoma City, I felt healthy and put up some good numbers. Over here I’ve been healthy and playing well. On a four game road trip I felt best on the fourth game, so I think I’m feeling healthy right now.”

What are the big differences in the culture and atmosphere of the KHL in the dressing room, arena, in the stands, amongst the team? What makes that experience special and so much different than North America?  

Cheechoo: “They have a real passion for the game, is one thing. You don’t get a lot of people that just happen upon the game. They’re real supporters of the team. There aren’t a lot of huge arenas, there are smaller arenas, and there are people that really come out to support the team that have done it for years. It’s pretty amazing. You’re a lot closer to the fan base. You walk in with them, you walk out with them, there’s less separation between the players and fans, so it’s kind of cool in that way. You’re playing for them, and they’re out there rooting for you, so it’s quite a thing to be a part of.”

What has been your favorite moment of the experience so far? You scored the first KHL goal in Zagreb history – does that or something else stand out as a big moment for you? 

Cheechoo: “I think we were viewed as pretty big underdogs coming in here, no one really thought we’d do anything, so to come out with a big statement win right away, and to get that first goal was pretty special, and something a lot of these fans will remember, and something that made them excited to be part of the KHL. Getting that first goal was probably the biggest moment so far.”

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Fischer Hockey gear now available in North America

October 31, 2012 Leave a comment

With so many composite hockey stick brands on the market, I’m happy to help promote one with a tie to my home province in Canada. Fischer (you may recognize the name from their ski equipment) is in the game of one-piece twigs.

Anton Belov is currently bombing these in the KHL

Fischer touts that one of the key advantages of Fischer sticks over other leading brands is their “Cap Technology”. This technology (currently being used in their ski gear) utilizes a patented thin foil wrap around the composite stick — the same foil used to wrap Fischer skis. This process is used only by Fischer, at their manufacturing plant in the Ukraine. Their studies have compared Fischer composite sticks to the other leading sticks/brands in the market and their results show their “Cap Technology” produces a stick which is less likely to break and is stronger than the other brands’ sticks by up to 30%.

Unlike other major stick companies, they only have one plant, which is owned and operated by Fischer Hockey. This plant in the Ukraine is the same plant they use to produce their skis. Other companies use outside plants in many different countries to manufacture their sticks, which may result in quality control issues. Fischer owns their digs and stays on top of all production issues, treating them on the spot if they occur. In Addition to sticks, they also make shafts, blades, visors, bags, bottles, jerseys, and socks.

Roger Pettersson and Gord Piercey of Duncan, BC, owners of G&R Sport Services, have become the new Western Canadian Distributors for Fischer Sports Composite Hockey Sticks, and are responsible for their introduction to Western Canada. The duo will be providing Canada’s west coast with the latest in Fischer’s composite hockey sticks, which have been extensively used in the European Pro Leagues (including Finnish and Swedish Elite), and the KHL since 1988. They’ve also recently become one of the official suppliers for both the International Ice Hockey Federation (IIHF), and the Ontario Junior Hockey League (OJHL).

Partners of G&R Sport Services since January 2011, Gord and Roger have dedicated themselves to providing the ultimate in composite stick repair, and top-quality brand-name Fischer Sports products. Since that inception point, the two men have been successfully repairing pricey composite hockey sticks to like-new condition for teams, players, and parents in Cowichan Valley by utilizing the Integral Hockey Stick Repair system, which uses actual aerospace technology. They are already working closely with several BCHL teams, and currently have Fischer sticks in play with three Vancouver Island Junior teams. Understanding first-hand just how costly hockey-related products and services can be, they are pleased to offer, in their opinion, the best in composite stick repair, along with top-quality new, used, and repaired sticks, for purchase at a substantially reduced cost to the consumer. So hit these guys up if you need a brand new stick, or need your old lucky one brought back from the dead!

More details may be found on the Fischer Hockey page: http://www.fischer-hockey.com/en/Hockey and at G&R Sport Services’ website: http://www.gnrsportservices.com/

For repair and/or stick sale inquiries, contact Gord, at 250-737-1661, or info@gnrsportservices.com

Hockey Talkie: Simmonds Good Guy/Bad Guy Battle, Nabokov/Isles, Jagr, and #ShanaBanned.

September 29, 2011 2 comments

I heard this topic brought up on NHL Home Ice on XM Radio….The New York Rangers, Anaheim Ducks, LA Kings, and Buffalo Sabres play a total of 7 exhibition games against teams in Slovakia, Switzerland, Germany, Finland, Sweden, and the Czech Republic.  So my question is this: if an NHL player hits a Euro to the head, or commits another suspendable play, will the NHL’s Senior VP Player Safety, Brendan Shanahan, hold them accountable? Can/Would they get “#Shanabanned” (probably the best hashtag on Twitter, btw)? Could he Shanaban the European players? Some grey areas in this European exhibition experiment. The radio folks didn’t know, maybe one of you readers has some insight?

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Judging by the fact that he has been starting in goal through pre-season, assumably everything is hunky-dorry with Evgeni Nabokov and the New York Islanders? You remember the Nabokov clustercuss from last year; came back from the KHL mid-season, picked up by Detroit, nabbed by the Islanders through the waiver system, and then refused to report to Long Island? Didn’t that make a bunch of people mad? Water under the bridge?

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Granted, it’s only pre-season, but while pointing to his current point-total, clearly Jaromir Jagr can still hang in the NHL. But I have to wonder, black Tuuks still? Really, Jaromir? I mean, even Mike Grier finally upgraded from that style.

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Jagr’s Flyers’ teammate, Wayne Simmonds, sure neutralized that defence shield he had from the banana incident (apparently the banana thrower feels really, really bad; says he was just trying to prevent the game winning goal in the shootout.  But dude, if you’re going to attempt to do that by throwing a foreign object on the ice, throw ANYTHING ELSE besides a banana at the black player who’s shooting) with that alleged Sean Avery-directed slip of the tongue, hey? [note: Simmonds denied saying what people speculate he said, and was not disciplined by the NHL] Though Simmonds was caught on tape appearing to say what lip-readers insist was a homophobic slur, isn’t it odd that cameras were even on Simmonds? I mean, lots of NHL players say lots of bad things to other players during games; did Simmonds just have extra spotlight on him from the London incident? Or was someone looking for Simmonds to trip up after everyone was on his side? Lots of speculation. I think he’s a great player, and I hope we can focus on that, rather than this BS.  On one hand, this is a good opportunity for guys like Brian Burke to reinforce the progress made against homophobia in hockey last year.  On the other hand, there’s lots of people who want to take this far beyond learning a lesson. Here’s a press release I was sent this morning:

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***PRESS RELEASE***

34,000 DEMAND NHL FINE PLAYER FOR ANTI-GAY SLUR

Explosive campaign on Change.org calls on National Hockey League to hold Wayne Simmonds of the Philadelphia Flyers accountable for homophobic slur against New York Rangers player Sean Avery

NEW YORK, NY – More than 34,000 people have joined an avid hockey fan’s campaign on Change.org calling on the National Hockey League to fine Wayne Simmonds of the Philadelphia Flyers for using an anti-gay slur against New York Rangers player Sean Avery.

Gloria Nieto, a gay rights activist and sports fan, launched the campaign on Change.org after watching an NHL exhibition game on Monday in which Simmonds reportedly called Avery a “f*cking f*ggot.” Avery complained to NHL officials, who refused to fine Simmonds, citing conflicting accounts of what was said on the ice. Activists claim that video footage clearly shows Simmonds mouthing the homophobic slur.

“All of us in the hockey community deserve a chance to enjoy games and the hard competition the league offers,” said Gloria, who created the petition on Change.org. “The National Hockey League has a unique opportunity to make a statement about fair play. As they hand out penalties for hits to the head, how about a penalty for hits to the heart, especially for all the fans who believe in equality for all?”

News of the online petition’s success is likely to increase pressure on the NHL. Within a day of the campaign’s launch, Gloria Nieto had recruited tens of thousands of supporters on Change.org, the world’s fastest-growing platform for social change. Prominent gay rights organizations across the U.S. are also demanding action, including the Human Rights Campaign, the Courage Campaign, and the Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation, which created its own petition on Change.org and gathered more than 1,000 signatures.

“There is clearly a lot of outrage that the NHL has refused to hold Wayne Simmonds accountable for his homophobic slur,” said Change.org Organizing Manager Joe Mirabella. “With no budget and armed with only a laptop, Gloria has managed to recruit more than 34,000 of supporters to take a stand against homophobic language in sports. Change.org is about empowering anyone, anywhere to demand action on the issues that matter to them, and it has been incredible to watch her campaign take off.”

The petition follows a recent trend of professional sports leagues fining their members for unacceptable language, including basketball players Kobe Bryant and Joakim Noah. Bryant, who plays for the Los Angeles Lakers, was fined $100,000 by the National Basketball Association for calling a referee a homophobic slur and Noah, from the Chicago Bulls, was fined $50,000 for using an anti-gay slur against a fan.

Live signature totals from Gloria Nieto’s Change.org campaign:

http://www.change.org/petitions/nhl-fine-wayne-simmonds-for-his-homophobic-slur-against-sean-avery

For more information on Change.org, please visit:

http://www.change.org/about

Change.org is the world’s fastest-growing platform for social change — growing by more than 400,000 new members a month, and empowering millions of people to start, join, and win campaigns for social change in their community, city and country.

CONTACTS:

Gloria Nieto, Petition Author, (408)280-6301 glorianieto@comcast.net

Joe Mirabella, Organizing Manager, Change.org, (206) 354-4931, joe@change.org

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I have yet to be sent a press release for the ceasing of racism in the NHL though. Maybe that one’s coming next.

Hockey Talkie: KHL Crash, Costanza, Crosby, Concussions, and Keeping Your Spot On The Roster.

September 7, 2011 Leave a comment

Well Georgey Boy, you really did it this time.

He got the sport and some of the statistics wrong, but the general prediction from 1992 finally came true on September 7, 2011, as the entire roster of the KHL’s Lokomotiv Yaroslavl was tragically wiped out (not to mention the airplane crew — only 3 people survived in total).  So sad.  [note: please don't interpret the Seinfeld clip as me making light of this tragedy, as I'm not]

  I’ve heard some horror stories about players’ bad experiences in the KHL (mostly mob related), but this is the absolute worst case scenario.  Apparently the aircraft wasn’t exactly “up to date“, technology-wise.  KHL games have been postponed.  So in a league with shady contracts, inadequate medical supplies, and unsafe travel vehicles, why are players accepting offers from  this “alternative” league, again? 

Lump this mouthful on top of three previous deaths of current NHL players Derek Boogard, Rick Rypien, Wade Belak this summer, and you have, unquestionably, the darkest hockey summer of all-time.

In relation to Sidney Crosby’s announcement of continuing to be sidelined “indefinitely”, it’s interesting to make the concussion connection between (arguably) hockey’s greatest current star getting one, and the three afore mentioned toughguys who each probably racked up more than that (perhaps some undiagnosed). 

I did some very rough math the other day, and see if you follow me — say you’re an NHL fighter.  There’s 82 games in the season.  Let’s be generous and say you fight in around 1/4 of the games that year (lets round that to 20 for easy math’s sake).  Now in those 20 fights, out of the storm of total punches usually thrown, let’s say your opponent lands 5  good ones on you each time.  So by this very broad equation, we have you taking 100 punches directly to the head each year.  And if you play ten years in the NHL (Rypien -6; Boogaard -6; Belak – 14), that works out to 1000 blows directly to the head, from a very strong and angry person, who is very intent on harming you.  And that’s not counting any fights in the minors, junior, or college hockey; nor any head-rattling bodychecks you took over that span.  Now, if Crosby’s brain has been scrambled enough from 1 to 2 hits to put him out of action for more than 9 months, imagine where you would be at having taken the generously low statistics I fired straight at your head, and trying to tough out a season and not lose your spot on the team roster.  And imagine the toll this amount of repeated impact would take on your very fragile human brain, and what kind of mental damage/illness could very likely occur.  How could a guy described by their friends and family as the happiest, nicest guy they knew, suddenly take his own life?  Or carelessly overdose?  Whatever contention you want to throw at it, I think it’s safe to say that those guys’ brains just weren’t right anymore. 

Back to Crosby:  I love his assertion that headshots should be taken right out of the game.  They should. 

Beyond that, I feel like Crosby may be in danger getting far too “babied”, if I can be so bold.  I get he’s the most valuable asset in the game and all, but think about it for a second.  Name another NHL player who could get a concussion, be given all the time he needs to rehab, and come back to the lineup anytime they (and the doctors) feel they’re ready.  I mean, his doctors are describing him as a human Ferrari.  It’s just not typical.  If you’re a fringe player/human Ford Taurus fighting for a spot and you get a concussion, guaranteed there’s a player who’ll have your spot by next game.  So one of two things is going to happen: either 1) every player is going to get this kind of treatment from their team and the league from now on, or 2) Crosby’s going to get a lot of heat for getting all this preferential treatment.

Tiger & Kovy Conspiracy Theories; Twilight, and Other Things That Should Extinct Themselves.

August 29, 2010 4 comments

I recently formed a thought about Tiger Woods that even I believed to be rather absurd at first; but upon further review, began to doubt the craziness and saw some logic.  As we all know, Tiger was, undisputedly, the best golfer on the planet.  He got caught cheating on his wife, took a “break” from golf, only to come back, and absolutely suck.  His divorce is finalized, and all of a sudden, he starts playing well again.  Coincidence?  Is it possible that upon becoming fully aware that he was going to lose every dollar he was worth in a divorce settlement, that Tiger may have “took a dive” and purposely tanked his golf game along with his net worth in hopes of having less cash available for Elin to (deservingly) fleece out of every pocket he owns? 

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Now that the NHL has rejected the terms of Ilya Kovalchuk’s absurd contract with the New Jersey Devils a second time, and it has been found to be invalid by a third party as well, does anyone else wish that Ilya would just sign a reasonable contract, or just ship himself off to the KHL already?  If he wants to go play at home (not that I’ve heard he actually does) can we just let him go and get paid for 150 years in sacks of money with dollar signs on them by the mob bosses that run that league, complete with death threats upon lack of success?  Why do we all have to sit through an entire summer’s length of discussion on where this over hyped/paid/acting and underachieving player is going to end up?  If he had a few Cups under his belt, I could see this conversation being more relevant, but what’s Kovy done for anyone latel…errmm…. ever??

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ARE ALL THE TEENY BOPPERS OVER THE STUPID TWILIGHT VAMPIRE CRAP YET???  If not, please pick up the pace.  When I saw the ads for the new movie, “Vampires Suck”, I immediately thought to myself, “Finally!   A movie that portrays every exact feeling I have about this Twilight travesty phenomenon.”  Unfortunately for the filmmakers, I’m not going to see it either.  But, nice goin’ fellas, thanks for doing that for me. 

I gave the original Twilight movie an honest shake at impressing me; my wife and I watched it at the height of its popularity without any foreknowledge of the plot besides that there were vampires in it.  Vampires were cool, so it wasn’t a big stretch, until… the freaking movie started.  From start to finish, it was just such a pile of garbage.  2 full hours of human existence that will never be returned to me with the refund discount coupons I deserve.  Poor writing, acting, lighting…. and just soooo incredibly cheesy.  I didn’t think it would be possible to think of vampires in less of a bad-ass light (keeping company with the Wolfman and Frankenstein bumps you up there), but they found a way to take ‘em down plenty of pegs.  The writers of the books/movies should do themselves a favor and buy all the garlic, stakes, and sunlight detergent out of the stores within a 1000 mile radius of their residences before an angry pitchfork wielding mob taps on their front door [too much? Maybe you’re right.  Ok, they don’t have to perish, just stop writing more books/movies, and apologize to us all for ruining vampires.  Now.].

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The movie, "Groundhog Day" was based on my life. I'm not even allowed to die!

Does it amaze anyone else out there that the Quail continues to survive extinction?  Have you ever seen a more suicidal bird?  One that purposely runs, not flies mind you, yes RUNS in front of your car at the last second, often with an entire family in tow?  Do maybe even the Quails realize how stupid they look with those dangling fish-bobbers bouncing around their heads, and try to put an end to their own species?  Are they perhaps the most ferocious gamblers of the animal kingdom; proposing and attempting death-defying stunts while others wait in the bushes while a bookie quail takes their bets?  Either way, I applaud them for making it this far, but methinks that Quails will be last-second street-crossing themselves the way of the Dodo before much longer.   

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Do you think the makers of Ed Hardy, Affliction, Tap-Out, and Christian Audiger even care that their brands are openly mocked by the public, and are only purchased and worn by the biggest (for lack of a more fitting term) douche-bags in any given city?  Or do you think they just sleep comfortably in their exorbitantly expensive homes paid for by every skull-clad shirt they’ve sold?  Yeah, I think the latter as well.

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