Home > Humor, Stuff that's Happened to Me. > The Only Thing That “Goes on Clear” Is The Lies.

The Only Thing That “Goes on Clear” Is The Lies.

There are very few moments in a man’s life that in which he will clamp onto his firm decision for life without any hope of wavering.  One such moment is when a man discovers the deodorant that is able to keep him not just dry, but smelling good as well.  It’s like hacking through a jungle trying to weed through all the different brands in search of “The One.”  Some are deodorants that make you smell good, but don’t necessarily keep you dry.  Others are anti-perspirants that keep you dry, but don’t necessarily keep you smelling good.  Others are failures on both fronts.  Some still promise to apply a magnetic coating that literally pulls attractive women from all directions towards you, and has them become attracted to you.  After enduring seemingly endless test subjects in my teen years, I finally concluded that Old Spice High Endurance clear blue (not sure how those 2 work in tandem, but they deliver) stick was the product that did the job the way I needed it to be done. 

The other day, my wife made the honest mistake of purchasing Old Spice “Invisible Solid” instead of my normal clear blue stick. 

The Deciever.

The Deciever.

It was still Old Spice, so I decided to give it a shake.  I was skeptical of how a white, flaky stick was going to not get all over my clothes, but the label did promise invisibility after all.  Now, I know words take on new meanings over time (as gay changed from happy to homosexual), but I don’t recall reading the memo that said “Invisible now means Not-Invisible, and as visible as day is to someone who is not blind and is outside during daytime.”

Here’s what my “Invisible Solid” has left behind for me: 

shirt stain 1

shirt stain 2

Now, it’s one thing to get white crap all over my clothes, but it’s an entirely larger ball of wax for someone I’ve invested both my trust and dollars in to lie to me so blatantly.  Why Old Spice? Why? I know I got the wrong product, but why would you punish all of us by selling such an inferior product?  When you’re testing stuff in the lab, and version 1.9 does everything except one very important thing, and version 2.0 does, you DON’T SELL BOTH PRODUCTS, you sell the one that does everything.  At least label it as, “White, flaky stick that will more than likely make you look like a duface when people see the white stains it leaves on your shirt that you didn’t notice in time to change clothes first and are now stuck in public with people noticing your poor selection of deodorant.”

Old Spice, you owe me one.  My dry cleaning bill’s in the mail.

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  1. August 24, 2009 at 9:24 am

    Oh crap. I just opened a new stick of this stuff this morning. Now you’ve got me staring at my pits in an OCD stupour. Is that a white streak??? AAAHHHHHH!!!!

    • davecunning
      August 24, 2009 at 10:43 am

      I regret to inform you that it’s all downhill (in a bad way) for you now. Get as far away from that stuff as possible, and use what little time you have left to get to the store and buy a new stick before you start sweating from the stress!

  2. ryley
    August 24, 2009 at 2:03 pm

    I’m an old spice man myself clear blue as well
    And again I agree few battles in life are as strenuous as finding the proper deo.

  3. August 24, 2009 at 11:56 pm

    During my college years I used Old Spice High Endurance Sport, as well. The clear blue variety. However, one day, as I was nearing the end of the stick, the plastic edge cut into the tender flesh of my armpit, and the alcohol (or menthol or whatever) burned me horribly. I don’t know if it caused an allergic reaction, but to this day, when I use that stick, my armpits burn a little. I’ve switched over to Degree. It’s white, but it doesn’t leave any stains on my clothes. It’s made by the Lever Company (as is Old Spice), so I trust the formula. I (and my wife)find the the aroma very pleasant. I use Extreme Blast (in French that’s Choc Extreme!).

    • davecunning
      August 25, 2009 at 12:07 am

      as soon as the stick becomes transparent, and the bottom holder becomes visible, then you gotta get yourself into a new stick. I learned this the hard way as well; taking my share of plastic cuts. The stick also becomes less effective at doing its job. If you continue to roll the dice on white deoderant, then that is your business.
      I respect the wife approved scent. Karm is still trying to get past her notion that all Old Spice smells like licorice (unfortunately for her, she believes that smell to be bad, and I’ve made my choice with deoderant brands).

  4. August 25, 2009 at 1:02 am

    Oh wow, so much opinions on Underarm smelly stuff, forgive me any spellign errors, lol.
    So I only wear Underarm junk if I forget to shower or em going out in public for a meeting with clients. I have only ever had a problem with a smell in that area when I go camping and not able to use soup in the creek as it hurts the enviroment and I’m too cheep to buy the proper soup. So the more of the story I would say, through the shirt out with the “old Spice” or better yet give it away to your uncle, everyone has a uncle that has a stick. Then I would train my “ole Lady” as mine is twice my age and is the bestest. lol. Not to buy me junk, or better yet, explian myself more when I need something.
    Cause when somethign goes wrong ti is usually our own fault but we all choose to blaim other people.
    If you would know I wear solid stick when I do and never have a problem with it humm I’m going to check it all out in my closet,
    yepp I’m buying new sticks now. this turned out to be very impressive to me lol .

  5. karma cunning
    August 25, 2009 at 5:53 pm

    yeah, so his ‘ol lady’ as it were, went out of her way to buy something that was similar, yet not so “licorice”esque… i assure you, it was not by accident that i brought something new home… no training needed!

  6. Stacy
    August 27, 2009 at 10:51 am

    Here’s my two cents – from a woman’s point of view…the “little black dress approved” line – not approved by my black dresses at all! And did you know that there is not a clear solid on the market AT ALL for women??? We can get the gel that clicks up (but it is so runny my armpits feel worse with it on than with nothing on at all) or the white stuff that leaves marks. No clear solid options for us!
    Another side note – the new “Clinical Strenght/Proof” ones are not better then the rest, and you are supposed to put them on at night! Who can remember that? And what about when you shower in the morning? Do you put it on the night before and hope that it’s going to still work? Weird stuff that deodorant world!

    • davecunning
      August 28, 2009 at 11:30 pm

      I was unaware that women were being treated so unfairly in the deoderant department. That sucks for you girls! I’d say just go buy some Old Spice clear blue solid, and no one will know the difference (except you).
      Putting deoderant on at night is for numbskulls. That’s the stupidest instruction I’ve heard. Especially when the morning shower is going to remove the product from your underarms, nullifying the original application.
      Those products need to be taken off the shelves and burned.

  7. Stacy
    August 30, 2009 at 10:37 am

    I *love* the clear blue solid – I’ve worn Dan’s several times. But then I smell like Dan. He should have his own smell. On a different note, maybe THIS men’s company SHOULD expand into the women’s market!

  8. Amy Gyori
    September 12, 2009 at 8:12 pm

    I’m so glad to know that there are other men out there that have these issues with deodorant. Or it could just be something weird in the wiring of men named “Dave”. When I initially read this blog entry I was laughing so hard because my fiance Dave is always bitching about the problems that exist within the deodorant world. We just went through all of his dark t-shirts recently and threw out about a dozen due to them being permanently bleached-out in the armpits from the “white sticks”. He cannot not find a deodorant/antiperspirant combo that smelled good, blocked sweat, and didn’t bleach out his shirts. Well I had to show him your blog and he really liked the illustrated captions that you provided. LOL…so anyways, we wrote down this product “High Endurance Clear Blue” and put it on our “To Purchase” list. We even made an extra stop at WalMart to pick it up. We had so much hope in you Dave, but THEY DIDN’T HAVE IT IN STOCK! Sadly, he’s back to using an Adidas stick.

  9. davecunning
    September 12, 2009 at 11:38 pm

    White deoderant stick is like diesel fuel; outdated and barely useful technology. It’s a wonder we haven’t phased it out yet.

    I’m glad I made a difference in your shopping routine… but why did you give up after one attempt??? There’s plenty available, surely, somewhere… unless they’re onto us.

    I’ve used a few clear Adidas sticks, and I think they’re a good second fiddle; they’ll definitely get you through when your starter isn’t available. If I was going to suggest a backup, that’d probably be it.

  10. RJ
    July 1, 2010 at 5:59 pm

    If you have the fresh collection from Old Spice it has Castor Oil in it that will stain your clothes with an oil stain like butter. If you have the line (so appropriately released after the fresh collection, might I add, in such a sneaky capitalistic manner) you have “Residue is Evil” brand Old Spice that does not have castor oil… and not surprisingly at all it doesn’t stain. I was super pissed to find out that the 2 for $2.22 on fresh collection sale was a let down to have to turn around and shell out 3-5 dollars for another line that is made correctly. Old Spice are thieves don’t be deceived. The 2 dollars in difference you pay for the other line may save you several hundred dollars in wardrobe repair. Someone should be fired in that company and additionally who is paying for my replacement clothing… I suppose me b/c I was the “dummy” that was “mislead” …. sigh it never ends.

    • July 2, 2010 at 12:31 am

      Impressive insight, RJ! Let me know when your reimbursement cheque comes through… I’m waiting on a few of those myself!

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