Home > Humor, Random/Rants > The Luggage Abyss, Bed-Making Madness, and the Voicemail Vortex.

The Luggage Abyss, Bed-Making Madness, and the Voicemail Vortex.

November 27, 2009 Leave a comment Go to comments

How many times have we all made a call, had that person not answer, and then heard the following rhetoric:

“_____________(arbitrary name/number)” is not available.  At the tone, please record your message.  When you are finished recording, you may hang up, or press # for more options.  To leave a callback number that you can be reached at, press 5.”

I typed that straight from memory.  I’ve heard it nearly a million times.  Are we still at the point as people, nearly all of us carrying cell phones, that we still need instructions as to what to do when someone doesn’t answer the phone?  Is the leaving of a message procedure so complex that we still require  recorded instructions to remind us of the correct protocol? How many people are hanging on like idiots after completing their message, unsure as to what the next step is?

 “Well, there, I said everything I need to say.  I suppose I’ll just stay on the line now. Yeah, that seems reasonable.  I’m sure he’ll be along in no time.”

Do we actually need to be reminded to hang up when we are finished our message? 

Oh, the lady said I could hang up when I’m done, right.  Wow, she sure was helpful.  I don’t know how I would’ve got through this without her.”

And who needs to press # for more options?  What other options do you need after leaving a voicemail? Were you hoping to engage in a game of Tetris, or learn a new casserole recipe or something?  You called to talk to the person, they weren’t there, you left a message… what else is there to perform? [note: you can go back and re-record if you weren’t happy with your message, what is this, an audition do-over?]  

Has anyone actually ever left a callback number?  Has anyone ever had a call back number left for them?  Don’t we usually just cover this in the voicemail?

I just think this is one spot where we don’t need our hands held; if answering machines have been around since the 30’s, and voicemail has been around the 70’s… at this point, if we can’t figure it out, we shouldn’t be allowed to use it. 


Am I the only one who gets the urge to jump on the baggage carousel at the airport, and ride it through the little car wash door, and see where it goes?  Surely, it just goes around in a circle, but can you imagine the look at the baggage slingers’ faces when a person came back out at them? 


Making the bed is the multi-seasonal, and sometimes daily, pointless activity equivalent of raking leaves.  Name me 2 other activities that you could potentially do everyday for the rest of your life, and not make any progress.  At least in the leaves case, a tree only has so many, and there are only so many trees, and you only have to deal with it once a season.  But you’ve got one bed, and its got sheets, and it’s going to get messed up, without fail, Every. Single. Day.  How many people are you bringing through your bedroom anyway, that would judge your character on the organizational status of your bed?  Are these the people you want to be around, anyways?

  1. November 30, 2009 at 3:17 pm

    Y’know what sucks? You steal my topics. I actually have “VM protocol” on my “to blog” list. Well done.

    Also, I’m catering to my audience, not myself these days. Too much hockey BS. I only like hockey, not love. But one thought: ROENICK RULES.

  2. November 30, 2009 at 3:18 pm

    Y’know what sucks? You steal my topics. I actually have “VM protocol” on my “to blog” list. Well done.

    Also, I’m catering to my audience, not myself these days. Too much hockey BS. I only like hockey, not love. Stay golden, Ponyboy. … But one more hockey thought: ROENICK RULES.

  3. November 30, 2009 at 3:25 pm

    Commenting from my BlackBerry. Having major complications. All I wanted was to mention JR and now this blog has three comments. Sick.

    • November 30, 2009 at 5:24 pm

      Yee–essss. Beat you to the punch. Dems da breaks, kid.

      I’ve had similar thoughts upon a few of your posts, wondering how you got into my “blogs” word file on my computer, poaching some of my pending topics. I just spent 5 solid minutes wading through your old blogs trying to find some evidence; but due to the daunting amount of sheer volume, I’ve got nothing to present to the court. But it’s happened. I guess as long as the story gets out there, right?

      And I couldn’t agree more. Roenick does rule. He made some of the best plays ever. He’s got a bright future.

  4. November 30, 2009 at 4:03 pm

    I think society has run into a wall called common sense and then smashed right through. if you did not tell them to hang up there would be some … person who would stay on the phone, and in some way hurt themselves and then sue you and then win. We need a little more of survival of the fittest. What type of gene pool are we promoting if we allow people who continually burn themselves on their coffee because they had no idea that it would be hot, again, carry on? lol, I’ll let you blog about that Dave, doesn’t really fit into my blog demographic!

    • November 30, 2009 at 5:29 pm

      you’re absolutely right. Stemming straight from the Seinfeld episode where Kramer sues a coffee company because his coffee was too hot and burned him, it’s this amount of dumb-down that we have to do in order not to get a lawsuit sandwich across the face from the world’s most incompetent people. I’ll bet you someone, somewhere, was injured or caused distress due to them not being informed that they were not obliged to be on the phone any longer. I think as long as there are idiots out there, and companies afraid to be sued by them, we’ll continue to see this type of social hand-holding.

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