Home > Humor, Random/Rants > Shoplifter Bliss, Denzel the Dullard, and the English Language Slang Saturation.

Shoplifter Bliss, Denzel the Dullard, and the English Language Slang Saturation.

December 15, 2009 Leave a comment Go to comments

English is a bizarre language, isn’t it?  Why can I be uncomfortable, or be in discomfort; but I can’t be discomfortable, or feel uncomfort?  Who dropped the ball on that syntax?  It’s no wonder foreign students go to such extreme lengths to learn, and have so much difficulty becoming fluent in English.

I know every generation acquires their own slang, and that’s all fine and good.  The “bad” is good movement of the 80’s was acceptable thanks to Michael Jackson (still better to be ‘badass’ than just ‘bad’ I’d say), “Sweet” got hot in the 90’s (I still back it), and I guess we’re onto the 2000’s variation of the 80’s “bad”; “sick” being used to describe really good things.  Personally, I don’t use it in my vocabulary (why would you want to describe something positive in terms of vomit?), but I accept it for what it is.   

The word “phat” floated around there for a while, until most people got tired of having to specify in mid-comment whether they were saying “fat” or “phat” because others were getting unnecessarily offended. 

But for the absolute overuse and excessive overload of slang words, thanks so much, TMZ and other tabloids, for destroying the word “pregnant” for all of us.  Is anyone else going to blow their brains out if they hear the words “preggo” or “preggers” again?  Can I get a “with child” or simply “expecting” now and then just to keep my ears from bleeding?  Don’t wreck pregnancy, it’s supposed to be a good thing. 

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 Is it just me, or does Denzel Washington play the same character in every movie he’s in?  I know he’s been in different movies.  I know the characters he’s played have had different names and encountered situations that are unique from the others.  I even know he’s worn different clothes every time.  But haven’t all the characters in all the movies he’s done in the last 10 years all seem like the same cocky, swagger-laden Denzel?  Maybe I’m wrong, but all the awards he’s won and publicity he’s received for being a great actor, can we get a little versatility?   

 

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Do the people at Wal-Mart, or any other store that has a security sensor at their door, even care if anyone sets off the anti-theft anymore?  Have you ever seen one single staff member jump over the desk and hunt down a suspected shoplifter?  The customer is walking out of the store, the machine beeps, they stop and turn around in embarrassment, make eye-contact with the clerk, who waves them through, saying, “No problem, you’re fine.”  As if they couldn’t have pocketed handfuls of things on their way to the till that they chose not to show the checkout jockey.  How many small-time crooks are exploiting this flawed security implementation?  Why are we even installing these things anymore?  Is the thought of setting off a beep from two towering metal detectors supposed to strike enough fear into our hearts that we don’t even think about stealing?

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  1. Robarelli
    December 16, 2009 at 12:12 am

    The security sensor is especially useless in malls because everyone assumes its beeping cause of the CD they bought at the other store. And I have also noticed that there are no actual security personnel behind the security cameras. Tape will only get “reviewed” when something of significant value is suspected to have been stolen. And by that time your suspect is long gone. Security measures are nothing more than scare tactics.

    • December 16, 2009 at 1:52 am

      Yeah music stores are some of the worst for it. They probably have more little things stolen than big, significant things; and the sum total value of all the little things is probably more than the big ones (ex: 100 CD’s are stolen at $20 a piece, vs. 1 or 2 box sets, or headphones or something). Kind of like a long-con. If you were a thief, and you stumbled onto this, wouldn’t you milk it too?

  2. Ryley
    December 16, 2009 at 8:12 pm

    WHOA NOW Big fella (george costanza tone)
    As a Denzel fan I do believe I have to stand up for the 2 time academy award winner. You can’t honestly tell me that the Denzel who played John Q is the same Denzel that played John Creasy (Man on fire). Or that the Denzel that plays Alonzo Harris (Training Day) is the same Denzel that plays Det. Keith Frazier (Inside man). If your going to criticize someone for playing the same character do DeNiro or Van Damn.
    As for the shoplifting alarm at the door I so happen to work at a place that does the exact same thing lol. You may even have experienced it Dave during your tenure there. I can’t really explain why. Maybe it’s because it’s not my business or maybe I just like giving people the benefit of the doubt when they say (oh it must be my cellphone making the alarm go off) but i have no desire really to frisk the person.

    your the man stunning

    • December 16, 2009 at 9:29 pm

      well, I’m not going to pretend that I’ve seen the guy’s entire filmography and have professionally critiqued each one to develop a strong encompassing theory. BUT, what I have seen (American Gangster, Inside Man, Man on Fire, Remember the Titans, Bone Collector, and a few others), they just all seem to blend together. In Training Day, he played a bad guy version of himself; same personality, just villainous. Maybe you’ve seen a different side of Denzel, ( I haven’t seen John Q)
      but for me, I know what I’ve seen at this point.

      It’s interesting that you would mention DeNiro… between The Godfather, Casino, Heat, and Meet the Parents/Fockers, Analyze This/That, you don’t see character development? I’ll go with you on Van Damme, though.

      The alarm thing I certainly experienced at Chevy’s as well. I liked to give people the benefit of the doubt as well, especially when they’re repeat customers that you recognize. But when it’s a big store like a Wal-Mart, there’s no way you can remember that many faces, and I’m sure there’s petty shoplifting that small time crooks get away with everyday there. The thing is, as an employee, it IS your business to keep the store from getting robbed, but frisking certainly isn’t at the top of most people’s lists. Anyone who says it’s their cellphone setting off the alarm probably needs to be frisked though, haha.

  3. ryley
    December 17, 2009 at 8:50 am

    Haha I agree on the cellphone thing. And actually my g/f and I were just at wal-mart the other day and there were alarms goin off like every min.
    As for DeNiro. If your going to say Zel has no character development then I can’t see how DeNiro does. He’s always playing the hard nosed guy with the scrunched up face. Analyze This was the exception I think. But honestly if Deniro hadn’t of died at the end of heat meet the parents couldve been the sequel to his life.

    • December 17, 2009 at 9:16 am

      haha, fair enough, DeNiro does do a lot of hard-nosed face scrunching. I think maybe it’s a thing at some point where you’ve been in so many movies that one side of you cancels out the rest at some point, and you get cast in roles based on it. Lots of actors could use more versatility, but I just chose to pick on Denzel because he sticks out the most to me.

      How did the Wal-Mart security crack-squad handle all of the alarm beeping?

  4. Ryley
    December 17, 2009 at 10:59 am

    well this “crack-squad” consisted of elderly women. From what I could tell they seemed pretty content to just sit in their comfy chairs.

    • December 17, 2009 at 12:18 pm

      that sounds about right. I’d love to know how much money that place gets robbed of in product value per day. They probably deserve it anyways for all the negative community ramifications Wal-Mart has on a city.

  5. ryley
    December 18, 2009 at 9:23 am

    Such as?

    • December 18, 2009 at 10:55 pm

      Wal-Mart ramifications? There’s a few documentaries out there that you should check out; but the gist of it is against the local small business owners in a community, how WM can buy in huge quantities from a supplier, and thusly undercut every business it town, to the point where the small businesses can no longer turn profits and have to close up. This affects nearly all businesses, because WM sells nearly everything. With less businesses, there’s less jobs, and WM will only ever pay like minimum wage, with crappy benefit packages, so it starts to implode a community from the inside out. The profits go to head-office, and don’t directly benefit the community. So, there’s lots of angles on it, but more to research on it out there too.

  6. Stacy
    December 19, 2009 at 12:35 am

    As for the pregnancy lingo – back in 2007 I bought jars of Prego and used them as our way of telling family that we were expecting. Used white-out and changed the flavor to “Stacy is…” By the way, are you trying to tell us something?
    And the security sensor thing…funny story! Just last week I bought Dan a new XBOX for Christmas and it didn’t set off the alarm when I left the store in the mall, but when I went into a different store it set of their alarm. The girl was quick to come to me, and took it to her till to demagnetize it WITHOUT ASKING TO SEE MY RECEIPT FROM THE ORIGINAL STORE! I think I have found another loophole for the cleptos out there!

    • December 19, 2009 at 12:42 am

      haha, see that Prego story is legit and creative, and also from 2 years ago. My issue is that the gag is waaaaaaaaay played out now.

      For your sake, I hope Dan doesn’t read your comment, indicating what he’s getting for Christmas. Also, that’s a huge break for anyone who happens to 5-finger-discount anything from a store now. I wonder how many criminals read my blog…

  7. Stacy
    December 21, 2009 at 10:19 am

    Ha ha – Dan on the internet…he just got his first e-mail account 2 months ago. He’d never be able to find this. At least, now, I hope not! And you didn’t answer my question… 😉

    • December 21, 2009 at 4:10 pm

      We are not bringing children into this world anytime soon, if that’s the question you were hoping to have answered. Sorry…

  8. ryley
    December 22, 2009 at 7:32 am

    Dave can you name your futur children after the ninja turtles?
    Please and Thank you
    And if ninja turtles don’t work power rangers will suffice

    • December 22, 2009 at 10:32 am

      I actually had a turtle named Michaelangelo when I was in Korea. I’ll see if I can slip one of the names past my wife when it comes time.

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