Home > Humor, Random/Rants, Stuff That Sucks > Stuff That Sucks 3: Smoking on Airplanes for Dummies, and Front-Desk Bell Ringer Roulette.

Stuff That Sucks 3: Smoking on Airplanes for Dummies, and Front-Desk Bell Ringer Roulette.

Amongst my recent travels, I found a few more pictures that have to be seen to be believed.

First, upon entry into the airplane’s secret mini-world known as its bathroom, I noticed some signage that seemed fairly contradictory and absurd. Now, In case you haven’t been on a plane since 1965, you should be made aware that you’re no longer allowed to smoke cigarettes on them. Apparently, I’ve heard, there was a time where this was commonplace; but this is afterall, 2010, and sorry smokers, but, it’s over. In fact, it’s been over for a long time.

If you have taken a plane anytime over the last 40 years, you may have seen the illuminated cigarette crossed out with a large red “X” that never becomes un-illuminated above your head, beside the “fasten seatbelt” sign that does frequently change illumination (so you can be assured there isn’t an electrical issue with either sign).

You may also have picked up on the flight attendants mentioning that you’re not allowed to smoke, in case you’re… blind. If you are blind, there’s even Braille for you (but then again, if you’re blind, you’re not even reading this are you, unless there’s an insurance agency that you’ve been scamming for quite sometime. Not sure why I’m writing a sidebar for blind-folks; seems like a waste of time… I digress).

Between any of these informative outlets, surely you picked up on the notification of the large fine that accompanies smoking on the plane, or tampering with the smoke detectors. So just so we’re all clear, smoking is frowned upon in planes. Everyone on the same page?

So as I was saying, I went to use the airplane washroom, and on the inside of the door, the following is posted: One last reminder that smoking is not allowed, and then, right below it, AN ASHTRAY. Not a garbage can, wastebasket, or any non-cigarette affiliated disposal unit; a little pull-out box made specifically for cigarettes to be snuffed out in. There’s even a nice little picture that shows you what to do, in case ashtrays were a little too advanced for your mental comprehension.

Why do we continue to enable the stupidity that we fight so hard against by instilling laws, fines, and warnings for breaking the rules that we set?

Also, while you’re on the can having a smoke, you can ring the bell and have the flight attendant bring you a drink, or perhaps a light.


Everyone who works for a place that has a bell at its front desk hates that bell. The look you get from the staff that comes to help you after you ring their bell should be proof enough of this point. They would much rather shine that bell up real nice, turn it sideways, and show you a new place to put it that isn’t on their desk, and will be much more uncomfortable for you.

In turn, as a customer of a place with a bell, don’t we just love to ring the bell? Most people will give a moderate one ring strike, knowing full well of the rage the sound is tempting. Others will play a modified drum solo on them, and roll the dice on their lifespan with every tone.

So don’t mind me while I doubt the inviting sincerity of the sign that says “Please Ring Bell for Service”, and the fake-happy “How may I help you?” that accompanies it. Let’s just all be honest with each other; most people don’t like the bell, and the ones that do shouldn’t be allowed to play with them in the first place. Can we think of a better system?

  1. retroroxy
    January 11, 2010 at 7:12 am

    I smoke everywhere – even on airplanes:


    • January 11, 2010 at 8:45 am

      well Roxy, from reading your blog, it sounds like smoking is pretty much your thing anyways; so as long as airplanes continue to give you an avenue to smoke on them despite all the other warnings, I guess go ahead and knock yourself out. Sounds like you’re no stranger to jail either; but then again, this sounds like the kind of case that you could actually sue the airline for — and win.

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