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Archive for March 7, 2010

Idle Disney Threats, Guess-timates, a Breakfast Bluff, and the Entertainment Tonight Tractor-Beam.

March 7, 2010 5 comments

Here’s what’s been additionally on my mind, while my brain was auto-pilot Olympic blogging…

Isn’t it unfortunate that anyone who is within eyeshot of another human being simply cannot run anywhere, at any speed, without one of those human beings yelling, “Run Forrest, Run!” at them?  You know you do it too, or at least think it, every time. 

Also from the Forrest Gump world, you know that crap about, “Life is like a box of chocolates – you never know what you’re going to get”?  Well, unless you haven’t eaten a box of chocolates since 1805, all you have to do is just look at the insert map included with the chocolates to see exactly what you’re going to get.  Come on, idiots.  By the way, orange or strawberry crème filled chocolates are the best.  Also, white chocolate. 

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Ever accidentally started watching Entertainment Tonight while flipping channels, and tried to change the channel?  It’s nearly impossible.  The segues into the next segments are always so enthralling and dramatic… I know I don’t care about what’s shocking revelation will unfold on The Bachelor, Kate Gosselin’s new haircut, who’s pregnant, who broke up, or how much weight somebody lost/gained, but I… just… can’t… look away…

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When did the word estimate officially get merged into the word guess-timate? Did we give up on arriving at educated assumptions based on minimal available data?  Did I miss the memo that says we’re all just taking wild stabs in the dark now?  When was the last time you heard anyone say estimate? Somewhere, a generations worth of math teachers collectively said, “That’s it, we give up! It’s bad enough they don’t understand the numbers… now the letters too!?!?” Heh heh, I hate you too, Mr. Treadgold.

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If you’re a homosexual and you’re not well-dressed, overly polite, and really good friends with women, it must be tough to find a niche in society, wouldn’t you say?  All I’m saying is, you just don’t see or hear of many slobby-looking, potty-mouthed, jackassy, gay men, do you?    

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It’s insane for liquor stores to advertise as having “The Coldest Beer In Town”, isn’t it?  Everyone’s got the same fridges, and they’re all set not to freeze the liquids they’re trying to sell.  Unless you have a cryogenic freezer built into the dashboard of your car, whatever beer you buy will, inevitably, get warm in the car on the way home.  And when you get home, you put it in your fridge anyway, where it re-adapts to that fridge’s refrigeration settings.  Stop lying to us.

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Something tells me no one has Tea and Froot Loops for breakfast in England.

“Continental Breakfasts” are one of the biggest charades going.  Err, excuse me Best Western, let me get this straight – you’re telling me the whole world eats serve-yourself cold cereal for breakfast?  Can you just put up a sign that says “Free ‘we’re-too-cheap-and-lazy-to-serve-you-an-actual’ Breakfast” instead?  You’re lucky I still like Rice Krispies…

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Is anyone else no longer afraid of the Disney Vault threat?  You know, the commercial that advertises a classic Disney movie being re-released on DVD for a limited time, until it’s threatened to be locked back in the Disney Vault FOREVER… that is, until it’s re-re-leased on HD-DVD, or Blu-ray, Laser-Disc, or whatever other money making scheme the fine folks at Disney are up to, instead of making an entirely new movie?  Somewhere, someone way too old to be watching Disney movies has around 7 formats of Aladdin, The Lion King, and the Little Mermaid… all still wrapped in the packaging, for fear of decreasing the value of their “collector’s item”.  They also live alone, and own way too many cats.

Serenity Now!!

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