Home > Sports, Stuff that's Happened to Me., Uncategorized > Jeremy Roenick, Larry Fitzgerald, and The Terrible Trouble of Toppers.

Jeremy Roenick, Larry Fitzgerald, and The Terrible Trouble of Toppers.

You stay classy, JR.

Sometime back in November ’09, I was sitting in a Kelowna pub, waiting for my boss to drop off a cheque to me.  He clearly wanted me to drink the money away with him right then and there, but I vowed to keep it, and my immediate debts clear.  Amidst my time biding, a man with an odd familiarity, though seeming out of place, caught my attention.  I puzzled to put the pieces together… finally assembling that it was former loud-mouth agitator showman NHL’er, Jeremy Roenick.  Once I put it together, I opted not to bother him (he was a good player and all, but I just didn’t seem to care that much).  He seemed a little perturbed, as if someone had just called him spoiled for getting paid to play “a game” for a job.  I found out later he was in town for the Kelowna Jaycee’s Gentlemen’s Charity Dinner… go figure.    

I still thought it was cool that I saw him, so I texted my friend, Justin Bourne, who resides in Arizona, about who I’d just seen.  A few minutes later, I got a text back saying something to the tune of, “Oh yeah? Well I just walked past Larry Fitzgerald.  Take that.” {editor’s note: verbatim may be exaggerated for effect}  He included the following picture:

My immediate reaction was to accuse Mr. Bourne of being a “Topper”, and of attempted topping, while under suspicion of conspiring to top.  He refuted the charges. 

Now you may be asking yourself, “But SDC, what is a Topper, or topping for that matter?”  Well, I’m glad you asked, and I’ll be happy to explain.  Or better yet, I’ll let Scott Adams, creator of the Dilbert comics visually explain:

So basically, a Topper is someone who always seems to conveniently have a better story than someone who is currently, or has just finished telling a story; generally for the purpose of garnering attention and admiration of others in earshot of the happening. 

Now, to be fair to, and in defence of Bourne, this definitely was an isolated topping incident, and I hold no other claims to current or former toppings.  But there are definitely people out there who do this on a regular basis, quite purposefully. 

The other side of this scenario is that, at the time, I had no idea who Larry Fitzgerald was (apparently he’s good at that game with the weird shaped ball that’s hard to throw, and a super guy) as I don’t watch football, but Bourne definitely knew who Roenick was (was good at hockey, and apparently a huge jackass).  So Justin may have a claim to innocence based on the fact that his topping criteria was not necessarily of topping magnitude, considering that I was not aware of Larry’s level.  But one could also cite that this point is irrelevant, and nullify the claimed innocence.  So what do you think?  Does the evidence speak for itself, or is topping relative to the participants?  Did Bourne (try to) top me? 

My conversational provoking query to you is: Do you know a topper?  What is your best topper story that you’ve seen or heard of?

Also, enjoy some more Topper comics, my favourite character in the Dilbert series.

  1. Stacy
    March 13, 2010 at 7:06 am

    I’ll admit it – I’ve done it many a time! But when I used to work with many a sport celebrity (Jamie Sale, David Pelletier, Kurt Browning, Ryan & Stacey Smyth, Cujo, Tommy Salo, Craig Simpson, the MacTavish family and more!) sometimes I couldn’t help myself! 🙂

    • March 13, 2010 at 11:54 pm

      my goodness, you are a topper… and entire topper story in yourself… next poll is about you!

  2. March 13, 2010 at 9:57 am

    Speaking of seeing people no one knows about, I saw Barry Pepper walking down King St in Toronto. Top THAT!!!

    Yours truly,

    PS. I’ve never heard of Larry Fitzgerald either. Football is weird.

    • March 13, 2010 at 11:52 pm

      I had to wikipedia Barry to figure out who he was. Anytime you need to seek clarification, or assistance to identify the offering, is tough for it to be topping material.

      Yeah, I don’t know about this Larry guy, maybe he’s some sort of Arizona local celebrity…

  3. Stacy
    March 14, 2010 at 12:20 am

    IF you blogged about me, I’d be sure to comment. Make sure you note how little I know about hockey, yet I don’t seem to miss a game…

    • March 15, 2010 at 1:36 am

      that’s one of multiple topics I’d surely touch on… 🙂

  4. March 14, 2010 at 9:13 am

    Pretty simple answer: If it’s a story about the past, it’s topping.

    “I once caught a fish thisssss big”

    If you text me you’re doing something, in this case staring at Jeremy Roenick, I’m allowed to let you know that I too, am staring at a celebrity. Just because mine happened to be a cooler celebrity doesn’t make me a topper. It makes me AWESOME.

    God The Topper is great. I miss my daily Dilberts.

    • March 15, 2010 at 1:35 am

      interesting theory on the past-related story top. I can see that as a very valid point. But clearly this situation must qualify as well, even as a presently-happening top; especially if you still contend your celebrity was cooler than mine. Also, what about the fact that seeing these people actually happened, and there’s evidence? Surely the Topper didn’t actually have spider glands implanted in him so he could make his own silk… did he??

      Haha, either way, a hilarious and memorable interaction.

  5. March 15, 2010 at 5:47 am

    Hey Dave,

    I can’t tell you how much I was nodding all the way through this piece. It is so true how society is in competition with another. The most prominent example I have going through my life right now is when I call my mother EVERY Day and we need to have a competition about who’e life is worse. “I had to bathe an elderly man for an hour” “yeah we’ll I was at school from 7am to 7pm” To which she reiterates with “Then I had to come home and the oven didn’t work so I had to have soup” to which I state “yeah well I have no money so I couldn’t even eat” Anywho, I think you’re quite accurate about how everyone needs to “top” everyone…. that being the case… my comment definitely tops everyone else!

    • March 15, 2010 at 12:47 pm

      haha, did you walk 20 miles to school in the snow, uphill both ways as well? Great example. Seems like topping is a bit of an epidemic everywhere!

  6. Robarelli
    March 15, 2010 at 3:11 pm

    Bourne is guilty on his own premesis. The fact that he saw Larry for some period of time before you texted him (add the time to take the picture), then its a story about the past, albeit a small time frame. He had plenty of time to text first about his celeb encounter, except he decided to wait until you texted until he could give his encounter more leverage. Highly unlikely both celebs were seen at the exact same time. If he texted immediately as he saw Larry, there would be no topping because most likely you would not have seen Jeremy yet.

    Also false tops are terrible. Topping someone with a worse story thinking its a better story is worse than not saying anything at all.

  7. March 16, 2010 at 6:31 pm

    I wouldn’t call Bourne a topper cuz you AND I and a few others here don’t know who Larry is, but we all know who Jeremy Roenick is (even if we can’t stand him). So, I prefer to think of Bourne as a “lesser” because his story wasn’t nearly as good as yours. I completely concur with your decision to ignore Roenick. I would too.

    • March 16, 2010 at 11:28 pm

      haha, interesting defence stance. The more people comment on not knowing who Larry Fitzgerald even is, the less naive I feel.

  8. ryley
    March 19, 2010 at 7:16 pm

    Larry fitzgerald is one hell of an athlete and football player. Us canadians may not here too much about him but guarantee he’s a household namein most of america

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