Archive for October 13, 2010

Cranial Cleanse: Rogue Dentists, Talking to Strangers, Rush, & The Birthday Candle Con.

October 13, 2010 2 comments

Sooo…….I took like half a month off or so, haha. Sorry.  Here’s the non-sense you’ve all been waiting so patiently for…

"Wait hold on, you're telling me there's a night where they come right to my door? I gotta go."

Does it seem at least a little purpose-defeating that parents tell their kids through their whole childhoods not to take candy from strangers, but then allow the same children once a year on Halloween to approach as many strangers as possible in one night, in the dark, at their homes, and directly ask for candy while dressed in a costume that would make them less easy to identify by passers-by?  Seems like the only thing being saved is the gas money for the van.


What’s with the birthday cake tradition of identifying the number of un-blown out candles with the number of girl/boyfriends you have just obtained for your failure?  How did we start associating lack of ability and accomplishment with relationship pairing?  How did victory in candle blowouts become associated with freeing oneself of the burden of having a mate?  Were there some parents unhappy with their spousal choices cheering for/teaching their child to be wild, free and single their whole life? 

The kid sits down at the table, happiest day of the year (shared with Christmas), all his friends are there, got his pointy little party hat on, lavished with gifts and praise all day, and then…. there it is.  The birthday cake.  While everyone sits in envy, he’s then informed that he has to accomplish one more task: successfully blowout EVERY candle and be the birthday hero for an entire year (or at least, until his next friend’s birthday party), OR if he does not possess the tracheal capacity to extinguish every last one, he will then subjected to ridicule and torment by all those in attendance because he will then been bound to an unknown female companion for an undisclosed amount of time.  The kid’s breath is going to be more quivery than Woody Allen in electrotherapy.  And as the kid gets older and the number of candles decrease, it becomes increasingly more difficult to avoid the “punishment”.  Then of course, the kid grows up and his parents nag him about when he’s going to get a wife and give them some grandkids.  Great strategy folks.  Scare them enough as kids so that they won’t have sex too young, but put the pressure on as soon as your life starts to get less interesting and requires the kind of excitement that only seeing your bloodline continued can give you.  I’m sure they’ll snap right to it for ya. (PS this little analogy is not about me, I swear)


"No sir, I don't like it."

Why is it that only 8/10, 9/10, or a fraction less than 100% dentists always recommend a certain dental product?  Who is that one rogue dentists who keeps skewing all the results, refusing to endorse the new product?  Do they keep interviewing the one same dentist every time that never likes the product he tests?  Why don’t they just find another dentist to ask?  Surely there’s got to be one product that 10 random dentists can all agree is good for their patients to use, shouldn’t there be?  It reminds me of the old Simpsons episode with the old guy that always votes “nay” even though he’s the only one, then blames it on someone else.   


If I pick something of interest off the ground that turns out to be just litter, then I place it back on the ground, have I re-littered?  Does this now excuse the original litterer from the offence and incriminate me, or are they still on the hook?


The band, “Rush”, sucks.  Yeah, I said it.  Most overrated band of all time. 


If you have an invention or product that is one of a kind in some way, why on earth would you send it to market stamped as “Patent Pending”, rather than just waiting a little longer for the patent to clear and be official so no one can steal your idea?  Why are you freely offering your item for replication without any consequence?  Seems like a no brainer, doesn’t it?

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