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Cranial Cleanse: Reality Renormalization, Ben Franklin, Akon, Bowl Games Boggle, Catfish, Spelling, and Special Feature Shh’ers… You Know Who You Are.

February 16, 2011 8 comments

Can we just go ahead and properly rename “reality” shows like Survivor, Big Brother, etc as regular game shows, like they actually are?  In what person’s twisted “reality” do you get deprived of food and water for extended periods of time, purposely betray trust and stab people in the back, and generally do whatever it takes to screw people out of a large lump sum of money and obtain it for yourself?  What is the big difference between “reality” tv and a gameshow, that a “reality” show is not filmed in a studio, and sometimes they go outside? 

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When someone makes an ambiguous statement, and then follows it up by saying “You know who you are”, in reference to anonymously calling out people who do what’s being talked about;  sometimes that subject’s identification is a lot hazier than the speaker realizes.   It’s a lot like when someone that you don’t know is waving at someone behind you, but you don’t realize there’s someone behind you, and you think the mystery person is waving at you, and you question yourself whether you should point at yourself and mouth “me?” to the person, or not.  Then you turn around and realize there’s someone behind you returning the greeting.  You also conclude that, you’re an idiot that no one wants to wave at.  Moral of the story is that people need to be more specific; you people who are purposefully general, you know who you are…

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I hate every song Akon sings.

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The whole college football “bowl” season’s popularity boggles me.  It’s great when teams like my friend Adam’s favourite Oregon Ducks make it to the legit national championship; but for all the other bowl game’s whose participants are voted in rather than earning their spots, I have a hard time giving them much cred as they lay claim to the “prestigious” Godaddy.com Bowl Championship, and other such farce trophies.  I mean, are college football teams actually excited to win the godaddy.com Bowl? Can u tell someone you won that with a straight face and legitimately be proud of yourself?

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No disrespect to people out there who choose to use online dating services to find a mate, but if you do, do yourself a favor and see the movie “Catfish” first.  Please.  I won’t spoil the movie for you, but basically a woman grossly misrepresents herself through an online relationship and the guy calls her on it.  It’s pretty nutty.  On paper, you would think online matching services would be able to very scientifically and appropriately pair people, BUT that only has a chance of working when truthful data is entered.  Granted, the movie isn’t based on an online dating site (rather, an email/facebook connection), but the same premise still applies.

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I really enjoy the “Special Features” option on DVD’s; you know, deleted scenes and whatnot.  But the one thing I just don’t get why anyone would want to see/hear it is the movie’s audio commentary (usually by the director, actors, or people involved in the film) dubbed overtop of the show and drowning out the movie’s dialogue – I mean, who wants to watch a movie while someone’s talking the whole time?  Isn’t this just a “shhhh’ers” crowning moment?

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It’s a good thing electricity was invented; at this point, there wouldn’t have been enough trees left on the planet to burn for heat and light for the 7 billion people of today.  Well played, Ben Franklin.

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Accidentally misspelling “lose” as “loose” automatically makes your sentence twice as hilarious (laughing at you, not with you, hilarious), and makes you look like twice the idiot.

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