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Posts Tagged ‘Halloween’

Bieber & The Pop Star Perversion, An Ugg-Lee Merger, the Daylight Savings Time Deficiency, American Politics, Daytime calls, Allen Keys Annoyance, & the JW Halloween Costume Loophole.

November 7, 2010 4 comments

This daylight savings time thing really should be all all-or-none effort; it really makes next to no sense for only some provinces, states and cities to do it.  The city of Creston BC (where I played junior hockey) and the entire province of Saskatchewan (where I got my degree, played college hockey, met my wife, etc) don’t participate, why should the rest of us have to have it dark at 4:30 pm?

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The ratio of which American media talks about, prep for, & pre/post analyze polls, to the time they spend actually voting is extremely lopsided towards the former.  Immediately following whatever that mid-term election stuff was, there was already Obama vs Palin polls being taken for a potential 2012 presidential showdown (with Obama winning handily), instead of interest in what the newly elected governors/senate or whatever were going to accomplish.  Can somebody please focus on the present?  Did Jon Stewart Rally For Sanity in vain?? 

The ratio of which American politicians campaign/slander their opponents in commercials to the time they spend doing actual work is about of the same ratio.  Those TV commercials seem to be more about how bad the opponent is and what a horrible job they’ve done, and rarely mention anything about what the prospective candidate is going to do better.  What have we learned? Slander > function?

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Please go away, and don't come back. Cut your hair, and take your teeny bopper girl scout troop with you. Also, leave all your money.

I don’t even know who Justin Bieber is. What I DO know is that I can’t stand him. I hope the “Bieber Bus” somehow ends up in a fiery car wreck along with every Smart car ever produced, all at the same time. No casualties, of course, except for the vehicles.  And Bieber.  Okay, I do know who he is, and I’ll have to give the little …. guy some credit, he can sing.  It’s just the media over-hype/commercialization, and the screaming pre-teen girls that make me want to blow up my TV and stab myself in the ears when I hear that name.  I can’t wait until puberty kicks in, the voice cracks, and this whole charade comes to a grinding halt…

My wife raised an interesting point the other day about the Rihanna-Eminem collaborated songs “Love The Way You Lie” parts 1 & 2, to the tune of whether or not it’s appropriate for Rihanna to sing a song about domestic violence after the whole Chris Brown-domestically-violencing-her incident.  The duet is an interesting juxtaposition, because on the other hand you also have Eminem and his storied domestic dispute history with wife/ex-wife/wife/ex-wife Kim; and how his lyrics have never known any limits in regards to appropriation and are very purposefully presented that way; not all that different than the way Marilyn Manson was hung by the media for in the 90’s.

So then the question becomes, what is the the line between musical artists creating intelligent, insightful music and them creating for pure shock value, creating controversy just to get people talking and to sell records?  Interesting how you usually hear all the hubub right around when one of their albums is about to be released, isn’t it?  And further, as most of us would (at least morally) disagree with the commercialization of young, girl musical artists dressing scantily and singing sexually provocative lyrics (not even written by the artist),  who then is more skanky, the lip-syncing pop star, or the record producer endorsing promoting the act to even younger kids with the sole intention of turning a profit?

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If Ugg boots and Lee jeans merged, you’ve have an aptly named product.  Wordplay, FTW.  Imagine an ugly looking pair of boots sewn onto the bottoms of a low grade pair of jeans creating a one-piece waist-to-toe garment.  You’re welcome, upcoming spring fashion.

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If you’re a telemarketer, or anyone who works for an over-the-phone annoyance business, why are you phoning homes in the middle of the day?  You’re obviously targeting the unemployed, because they’re the only people that would be home during the day while everyone else is working; yet if they’re not employed, they probably can’t afford whatever it is that you’re peddling.  Seems counterproductive, no?  Further, the callers that come equipped with background info (know your address, and other info) and probably even know that you do work during the day; that seems like a complete waste of a call seeing as though you’re almost definitely not home, and even if someone was home, the people that the homeowner would actually want to talk to would  know they’d be out at that time of the day and wouldn’t be calling, so there’s no way it’s someone they’d actually want to talk to,  and thusly it would not be worth the risk of answering a day-time phone call without caller ID or if they didn’t recognize the number.

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There should be a law against manufacturing mechanical parts that require Allen/Hex keys.  If you’re working on a project in your garage/workshop, or wherever, and you encounter that one pivotal screw that requires that oddball L-shaped disgrace tool to remove it, you immediately curse its inventors, and wonder why making the screw fit a Phillips, Robertson, or any other conventional tool was just too much to ask.

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I wonder how many actual Jehovah Witnesses were knocking on doors on Halloween? Seems like a good night to get more than 2 seconds of people’s attention; as you tell the person at the house you’re not actually dressed up, it’s how you dress every day, that you don’t want candy but would like to come in and talk, and then…. SLAM.

Consequently, I’d be willing to bet anyone who dressed up as a Jehovah Witness for Halloween and attempted to trick or treat probably didn’t receive one single piece of candy from anyone.  In fact, I might even bet that the whole Halloween needles-in-apples scandal was probably based on one Jehovah Witness-trick or treat incident.  Thanks guys, thanks a lot.  Stop bothering people.  And if someone does let you into their home, don’t take that as an open invitation for infinite visits.

Cranial Cleanse: Rogue Dentists, Talking to Strangers, Rush, & The Birthday Candle Con.

October 13, 2010 2 comments

Sooo…….I took like half a month off or so, haha. Sorry.  Here’s the non-sense you’ve all been waiting so patiently for…

"Wait hold on, you're telling me there's a night where they come right to my door? I gotta go."

Does it seem at least a little purpose-defeating that parents tell their kids through their whole childhoods not to take candy from strangers, but then allow the same children once a year on Halloween to approach as many strangers as possible in one night, in the dark, at their homes, and directly ask for candy while dressed in a costume that would make them less easy to identify by passers-by?  Seems like the only thing being saved is the gas money for the van.

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What’s with the birthday cake tradition of identifying the number of un-blown out candles with the number of girl/boyfriends you have just obtained for your failure?  How did we start associating lack of ability and accomplishment with relationship pairing?  How did victory in candle blowouts become associated with freeing oneself of the burden of having a mate?  Were there some parents unhappy with their spousal choices cheering for/teaching their child to be wild, free and single their whole life? 

The kid sits down at the table, happiest day of the year (shared with Christmas), all his friends are there, got his pointy little party hat on, lavished with gifts and praise all day, and then…. there it is.  The birthday cake.  While everyone sits in envy, he’s then informed that he has to accomplish one more task: successfully blowout EVERY candle and be the birthday hero for an entire year (or at least, until his next friend’s birthday party), OR if he does not possess the tracheal capacity to extinguish every last one, he will then subjected to ridicule and torment by all those in attendance because he will then been bound to an unknown female companion for an undisclosed amount of time.  The kid’s breath is going to be more quivery than Woody Allen in electrotherapy.  And as the kid gets older and the number of candles decrease, it becomes increasingly more difficult to avoid the “punishment”.  Then of course, the kid grows up and his parents nag him about when he’s going to get a wife and give them some grandkids.  Great strategy folks.  Scare them enough as kids so that they won’t have sex too young, but put the pressure on as soon as your life starts to get less interesting and requires the kind of excitement that only seeing your bloodline continued can give you.  I’m sure they’ll snap right to it for ya. (PS this little analogy is not about me, I swear)

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"No sir, I don't like it."

Why is it that only 8/10, 9/10, or a fraction less than 100% dentists always recommend a certain dental product?  Who is that one rogue dentists who keeps skewing all the results, refusing to endorse the new product?  Do they keep interviewing the one same dentist every time that never likes the product he tests?  Why don’t they just find another dentist to ask?  Surely there’s got to be one product that 10 random dentists can all agree is good for their patients to use, shouldn’t there be?  It reminds me of the old Simpsons episode with the old guy that always votes “nay” even though he’s the only one, then blames it on someone else.   

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If I pick something of interest off the ground that turns out to be just litter, then I place it back on the ground, have I re-littered?  Does this now excuse the original litterer from the offence and incriminate me, or are they still on the hook?

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The band, “Rush”, sucks.  Yeah, I said it.  Most overrated band of all time. 

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If you have an invention or product that is one of a kind in some way, why on earth would you send it to market stamped as “Patent Pending”, rather than just waiting a little longer for the patent to clear and be official so no one can steal your idea?  Why are you freely offering your item for replication without any consequence?  Seems like a no brainer, doesn’t it?

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