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Posts Tagged ‘sick’

Shoplifter Bliss, Denzel the Dullard, and the English Language Slang Saturation.

December 15, 2009 16 comments

English is a bizarre language, isn’t it?  Why can I be uncomfortable, or be in discomfort; but I can’t be discomfortable, or feel uncomfort?  Who dropped the ball on that syntax?  It’s no wonder foreign students go to such extreme lengths to learn, and have so much difficulty becoming fluent in English.

I know every generation acquires their own slang, and that’s all fine and good.  The “bad” is good movement of the 80’s was acceptable thanks to Michael Jackson (still better to be ‘badass’ than just ‘bad’ I’d say), “Sweet” got hot in the 90’s (I still back it), and I guess we’re onto the 2000’s variation of the 80’s “bad”; “sick” being used to describe really good things.  Personally, I don’t use it in my vocabulary (why would you want to describe something positive in terms of vomit?), but I accept it for what it is.   

The word “phat” floated around there for a while, until most people got tired of having to specify in mid-comment whether they were saying “fat” or “phat” because others were getting unnecessarily offended. 

But for the absolute overuse and excessive overload of slang words, thanks so much, TMZ and other tabloids, for destroying the word “pregnant” for all of us.  Is anyone else going to blow their brains out if they hear the words “preggo” or “preggers” again?  Can I get a “with child” or simply “expecting” now and then just to keep my ears from bleeding?  Don’t wreck pregnancy, it’s supposed to be a good thing. 

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 Is it just me, or does Denzel Washington play the same character in every movie he’s in?  I know he’s been in different movies.  I know the characters he’s played have had different names and encountered situations that are unique from the others.  I even know he’s worn different clothes every time.  But haven’t all the characters in all the movies he’s done in the last 10 years all seem like the same cocky, swagger-laden Denzel?  Maybe I’m wrong, but all the awards he’s won and publicity he’s received for being a great actor, can we get a little versatility?   

 

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Do the people at Wal-Mart, or any other store that has a security sensor at their door, even care if anyone sets off the anti-theft anymore?  Have you ever seen one single staff member jump over the desk and hunt down a suspected shoplifter?  The customer is walking out of the store, the machine beeps, they stop and turn around in embarrassment, make eye-contact with the clerk, who waves them through, saying, “No problem, you’re fine.”  As if they couldn’t have pocketed handfuls of things on their way to the till that they chose not to show the checkout jockey.  How many small-time crooks are exploiting this flawed security implementation?  Why are we even installing these things anymore?  Is the thought of setting off a beep from two towering metal detectors supposed to strike enough fear into our hearts that we don’t even think about stealing?

Just Say “No” to Sharing Toothbrushes.

August 31, 2009 3 comments

If I had not caught her doing it, my wife may never have admitted to “sharing” my toothbrush.  I use quotations around sharing, because I feel that if one side has not consented to the share, then the share is null and void, and becomes borderline theft.  It’s a form of deceitful borrowing; using and giving back, so technically not stealing, but still using without authorization. 

The problem arose when my wife bought us matching toothbrushes.  Sensing a future issue, we had used identifyingtoothbrushes1 markings on each brush, marked with a “permanent” pen.  The thing about permanent ink is that even it is not impervious to daily moisture and friction when applied to a plastic surface.  So the ink was no longer visible after a few weeks, but I could still see the indentations of the mark if I looked for it in the right light, at the proper angle.  This was enough for me to sleep in peace; to know that I was still using my own brush.  When I really think about it, I don’t know what’s worse: someone using your toothbrush (purposefully or not) and not telling you, or using someone else’s toothbrush and not telling them.  Either way, it’s a germaphobe’s field day.  That night I entered the bathroom, picked up my toothbrush, readied the toothpaste, and noticed at the last second that the bristles seemed oddly moist for having not been used since the morning.  I didn’t take me long to realize that something had gone very, very, awry. 

So is this absolutely insane, to be grossed out at the notion of sharing microscopic foodstuffs and saliva with your significant other?  My gut tells me yes, but it’s also told me that my whole life.  You’re taught at a very early age not to share beverages in any container because of the backwash potential; especially if the Sharer is a known bottle sucker (not a pourer, but a full lip-sealing, liquid siphoner).  So is all that warning waived when you start kissing someone?  If one’s significant other becomes ill, should they then not even put up a defence against acquiring that same infection?  Should they just phone in the pending days off work they will have to take due to illness?  Should the medicine cabinet be permanently stocked with Cold-FX, NyQuil, DayQuil, and every other product that seems to eradicate sickness at the same speed of natural healing?

Not limiting this story only to my wife’s devices, I have heard of, and seen, other instances of chewing gum, lollipop, and various care-free, saliva sharing methods.  I’ve seen something like this go down before: 

“Hey, can I have some of your gum?”

“Sorry, I’m chewing the last piece I had.”

“Oh, well that’s alright, just give me half of the piece you’re chewing now.”

“…….”

“…….”

“…are you serious?”

So, since I enjoy a good poll like anyone else, I am leaving this debate to the very same voting device that I subjected Lululemon to.  Readers, to the Polls!    

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