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Posts Tagged ‘The Daily Show’

Cranial Cleanse: Brain On Shuffle — Questionable Cerebral Activity.

August 29, 2011 Leave a comment

As per evolutionary theory, Nudists should either become extremely hairy to keep warm and technically devolve back into monkeys, shouldn’t they? The evolutionary theory, of course, being that creatures adapt to their surroundings to survive? Seems like instead of putting clothes on to keep warm (which they are refusing to do), their bodies/brains should automatically switch on the “grow more hair to keep warm” button. Maybe Sasquatch sightings are really devolved nudists? If they don’t devolve, maybe nudists will go extinct all together.

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Speaking of questionable brain functions, what’s the deal with the mass worm suicides when it rains? Who’s the idiot worm spearheading the campaign call for every worm everywhere to surface when it starts raining, and then shrivel up and die all over my driveway? These worms must be the cult leaders of the worm world. Also, who knew there were that many worms?

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From my freezer, 5 minutes ago. I could take this same picture of different bananas every month.

Why do people insist on freezing their rotten bananas? As good as your intentions may be, and as good as banana bread is, you know you’re never going to make it. So just throw them away when they go bad.

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Why do people want you to smell bad things? Why is it that whenever something smells bad, there’s always someone who says, “aww man, this smells awful! Hey, come over here and smell this!” It smells BAD, moron, what makes your brain think this is a characteristic I look for in things I wish to smell?

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How useless is the “let me know if you don’t get this” email message? How would you know you didn’t get it? Should I reply to a non-existent email to confirm my not having received the message?

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Yahoo! Answers might be the most useless page on the internet. Yahoo Wrong/Irrelevant/Speculative-at-best Answers would be a more accurate name for that website.

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anti-biotics, pro-biotics….. cripes, do I want biotics in my body or not??? Is there a neutral biotic?

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HD TV technology has made me realize how much makeup sportscasters wear on-air during broadcasts. Seems a little uncalled for, like when they make elementary school boys wear red lipstick and makeup to perform in school musicals.

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Quite the audacity by Shell, thinking they can change the index/middle finger v-shape peace sign to stand for their V-Power gas instead.  Look Shell, you’re worth a lot of money, but YOU CAN’T REPLACE PEACE WITH THE MOST EXPENSIVE GRADE OF YOUR GASOLINE.

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There should be a rule that u must have seen the movie “What About Bob?” before you’re allowed to use the term “baby steps” in conversation.

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Dear all news shows, just stop broadcasting and start syndicating The Daily Show instead of your stuff. It’s far better material.

VIDEO BLOG: The President’s Intending Puns Now, I Wonder Where He Got That Idea?

November 21, 2010 Leave a comment

Ok, ok, so it’s a little far-fetched to believe that the President of the United States is actually using my material, but it’s mildly amusing to consider.  After all, I did chirp the Secret Service back in January, who knows, maybe I blipped on their radar, maybe someone’s been tailing me ever since, maybe my phone’s tapped, maybe even this blog i… uhh, probably none of those things actually, haha.  Oh, speculation… if it’s good enough for the tabloids, it’s good enough for this blog 🙂 [blog standards reassessment pending].  As I don’t know the deep inner-workings of American politics very well, I don’t totally understand the Larry Summers reference in the clip, but Obama makes a pun that he intended, just as I suggested in November ’09, and that’s all that matters.  Yadda yadda yadda, it’s all in good fun… enjoy the latest video blog conspiracy theory!

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