Schwartzel Taps His Inner Seinfeld For Masters Win, Tiger Loses Again, Norm MacDonald, and Hockey Quips.
Shameless self-promotion: I had my latest newspaper article published; did you pick up a copy of The View on Friday? Click here to read it online if you don’t get the paper. Also, follow @LakeCountryBB and @BlackbeltsLCF on Twitter.
==================================================================================
Sorry if this throws you off, but I’ve got a few golf comments to make. I watched the final round of The Masters today, something I didn’t think I was capable of doing. A big part of making it tolerable was listening to Norm MacDonald’s “Norm Cast” running commentary of the event, and even getting one of my tweets read on the air live by Norm. You should follow Norm on Twitter @normmacdonald and @normsportsshow , and check out the website.
The tweet I got read was, “If Tiger Woods wins the Masters today, expect Michael Vick level forgiveness of transgressions from the masses.” Valiantly try as he might, Tiger did not win. Charl (es?) Schwartzel did wins The Masters, and subsequently lifted the “Seinfeld Curse”(dubbed by Norm and company, as Charl has a striking resemblance to Jerry Seinfeld, facially). So I guess this means Tiger is still a dirty man-whore. How slutty do you think Tiger was over the weekend to play as well as he did? Also, do you think Tiger Woods was rattled that Lee Westwood’s wore his same red shirt, black hat/pants/shoes setup for Masters Sunday? That’s Tiger’s Sunday getup, Lee, everybody knows this.
I felt painfully bad for Rory Mcilroy, watching his Masters-sized meltdown. Guy was leading until he hit a shot onto some guy’s front lawn (who has a house on Augusta, btw?), and basically collapsed from there. Had a chance to be the youngest guy since Tiger to win the Masters, and then he BA-lew it.
I was closet-cheering for South Korea’s KJ Choi to win, and he was in the hunt. I bet KJ Choi played a lot of screen golf in Korea as a youngster. Only people who have lived in Korea will understand that comment. Basically, screen golf is virtual golf; and most Koreans play it instead of real golf because there are very few real golf courses in Korea as there’s very little previously undeveloped land to build them on, and the ones that exist are extremely expensive and exclusive. I am a little surprised Jinro Soju isn’t KJ Choi’s major sponsor (another Korean inside joke, sorry). SK Telecom must’ve won a screen golf bet for his rights.
====================================================================================
So the last place Edmonton Oilers beat the Canucks back to back before the end of the NHL regular season? Can anyone else feel Vancouver’s first round slipping out of their hands?
Vancouver’s Raffi Torres’ hit on Edmonton’s Jordan Eberle seemed like a classic tall guy’s elbow naturally falling at short guy’s head level. Clean hit if Raffi got lower. I honestly thought it was a good, hard, borderline clean hit. The Chara-Pacioretty thing has every call on eggshells, and discipline is expected everytime someone goes down. I think Torres said it best himself, saying he was just finishing his hit, and if he hadn’t he probably wouldn’t be seeing much more ice. I like Eberle, but if players can’t hit, the NHL turn into touch hockey before we know it.
I’m happy that my LA Kings won’t be facing Vancouver in the first round of the playoffs, especially now that they are without Anze Kopitar. I’m also happy that Vancouver will be meeting Chicago in the first round. I’m a casual fan, and I don’t invest my entire existence into my hockey team, nor their playoff hopes. If LA doesn’t win, no big deal. However, for Canucks fans, if Vancouver bows out early yet again, look out innocent civilians residing in the lower mainland of BC….
***************************
Rookie Jeff Skinner of the Carolina Hurricanes and seasoned veteran Ilya Kovalchuk of the New Jersey Devils both have 30 goals this year. The difference between them? $97.3 million in salary. That seems fair. Oh, Jacques Lemaire just retired again, and Brodeur sucks now? New Jersey is in trouble going forward. Jeff Skinner on the other hand, not so much. Calder?
***************************
Martin St. Louis sure is content using those obscenely yellow Easton sticks, isn’t he?
***************************
I have a hunch that more NHL players are going after Gordie Howe hat tricks on purpose and as a real stat these days. Not that I mind.
***************************
I enjoyed Toronto’s late playoff push. I love how mad so many people would have been if they got in. I think the Leafs have a lot to look forward to next season, as long as Brian Burke doesn’t Niemi/Halak his #1 goalie and trade James Reimer in the off-season, in favour of backing Giguere or Gustavsson (who is anything but a monster. Unless he’s one from Monsters, Inc).
***************************
And finally, Cory Clouston gets tossed out of Ottawa. After getting the worst out of every good player Ottawa had under his regime, feuding with Dany Heatley to the point of a no-trade clause waiving trade, and finishing nearly last in the league over and over, how did it take this long for this to happen?
Hockey Talkie: Brodeur, Byfuglien for Norris, HBO 24/7, Sutters, Spengler, Waffles, & The DiPietro Deficiency.
Could the New Jersey Devils’ situation be any worse? Dead last in the entire league (as of Dec 28/10), their bazillion-dollar signee, Ilya Kovalchuk sucks, and their former best-goalie-in-the-world is anything but, often injured lately, and having a tough time doing the most important thing about the goaltending position job description – stopping pucks. You gotta think Martin Brodeur is, at least, contemplating retirement at this point. No disrespect to him, but I mean he’s won everything for a goalie to win (3 Stanley Cups, Olympic Gold twice, 4 Vezina’s, multiple All-Star selections; holds 20 NHL records, including most wins, shutouts, most games and minutes played, even scored a game-winning goal). But really, at this point, what is the purpose in him hanging around, especially when he’s now playing for the worst team in the league? After all his accomplishments, it’d be a shame to see him fizzle out and get Chelios’ed in his remaining time.
*********************
Speaking of bad teams, how many more stints on the IR for Rick DiPietro until the New York Islanders decide buying out the remaining 11 years on his contract is actually the better option? Tough for the Isles to get the most bang for their $67 million bucks out of a constantly injured goalie who hasn’t played an entire season since around the time he signed that contract.
*********************
Dustin Byfuglien’s the early favourite for the Norris Trophy, no? He’s 13th in league scoring as I write this, and there is not another defenceman on the list until Nicklas Lidstrom at 26th. He’s even got more points than Ryan Getzlaf, Eric Staal, Alexander Semin, Jarome Iginla, Jonathan Toews, Dany Heatley, Evgeni Malkin, Teemu Selanne, Joe Thornton, Martin Havlat, Rick Nash, and Patrick Kane, to name a few. To be fair, he is currently 65th in +/- rankings, which may or may not be a more important measure of a defenceman’s worth, depending on who you are. He’s still got my vote, for now.
*********************
Like many of you hockey folks, I’m loving the HBO 24/7 Penguins/Capitals Road To The Winter Classic miniseries. I know lots of people are talking about it, so I’ll try to raise a few points that aren’t being beat to death, too badly.
One – Bruce Boudreau has been getting a lot of heat for his constant cussing in the dressing room and on the bench. My response to this is that the only people balking at this have to be people who are either over-sensitive, or just have never been in a hockey dressing room before; because, and I hate to break it to the weak at heart, but that’s exactly the way hockey dressing rooms and coaches are during the game. They get frustrated when things don’t go right, and when you’re as emotionally invested in the game and the success of the team as a coach has to be, f-bombs begin to flourish, especially in a slumping team situation. Personally, I love the fact that he’s not pulling any punches or walking on egg-shells just because there’s cameras around him all the time.
Two – I love seeing that NHL players are pretty much like every other hockey player that plays on every other team in the world and every other level (minus the skill level and multi-million dollar contracts, of course). It should be pretty obvious, since they all came up through all the same developmental leagues that all other players do to get where they are, but there’s something humanizing about seeing a teammates pulling hotel pranks on each other during road-trips, coaches telling players to “pack up your stuff so we can get the f— outta here” after a road loss, generally being jokers off the ice, and then really dialling in their serious side when it’s time to perform on the ice.
Three – as cool as this build-up to the Winter Classic has been, and as amazing as that game will be, this kind of TV series is tailor-made to a Stanley Cup Finals showdown, is it not? I know the big sell is the Crosby-Ovechkin matchup for American viewers by the networks, but isn’t the confrontation for the Cup, aka the biggest prize in the sport, even easier for fans to invest their advertisement-susceptible eyes to, compared to a gimmicky mid-season outdoor game?
And further, isn’t it a testimony to how unnecessary it is to advertise hockey in Canada that, compared to the Winter Classic media blitzkrieg, there has barely been a mention of the upcoming Heritage Classic outdoor game between Calgary and Montreal? You mean to tell me the mention of Jarome Iginla vs Josh Gorges isn’t enough to put butts in seats, and eyes on TV’s?
*********************
Even though I’m an avid Calgary Flames hater, it’s unfortunate to see Darryl Sutter “resign” as team GM, after team CEO Ken King asked him too. Seems like an either-quit-or-you’re-fired face-saving situation for Sutter; which, if you’re going to publicly announce that you ask a guy to quit, you might as well just fire him. I don’t support Flames success, but I have to admit, Sutter has been the only guy to get any out of that organization in recent history, including brother/head coach Brent, who barely batted an eyelash at the situation, citing his family’s unparalleled ability to separate family from business. Man, that’s got to be an awkward family to be around at Christmas.
*********************
I love the Spengler Cup. I wish it could be rescheduled so it actually got some coverage, instead of being overshadowed by the WJC. With personnel like Mark Messier coaching, Hockey Canada obviously supports the team; why aren’t they allowed to sport the official Hockey Canada jerseys like every other legit Canadian team representing Canada in international play? Surely HC just doesn’t want to desecrate the uniform with all those euro ads, right?
*********************
And finally, I’m loving the waffles being thrown on the ice at Toronto Maple Leafs games. It’s just such an amusing item to throw. It causes a delay of the game, bla bla… some one could get hurt, yadda yadda… let’s be honest, if the Leafs keep sucking, and Kessel keeps not scoring, they’ll be thanking their lucky lifetime season-ticket holders that something as soft (and delicious) as waffles is all that’s being thrown on the ice.
Double Championship Challenge Update: Off to Round 3!, Amongst Other Hockey Thoughts.
Alright, an update on the Double Championship Challenge:
With Pittsburgh’s shocking (?) elimination also sees the departure of contestants Grant McMillan and Adam Whitmore.
Bergeron and the Bruins are done, but no one put any stock in them. Mark Recchi’s easily the NHL’s best “Old-Guard” player left. Scored a lot of goals this year, and did well for himself. I hope he sticks around for a few seasons yet. That is, unless he can’t take a hint like Chris Chelios went he got sent down to the AHL and kept hanging around. I think Mark’s value will be decent for a few seasons yet.
And easily my favorite elimination, the Canucks exit sees Casey Fodor and Jeff Bourne bow out. (my favorite because I hate the Canucks, not because of who picked them). I’ll admit, I’ll always have a soft spot in my heart for Luongo after the Gold Medal, but not soft enough to cheer for him while there’s a whale on his chest. I’ve never seen so many people want a captain stripped of his captaincy so badly; sad really. I’m sure he’s doing a better job in that role than he’s being given credit for. I know I hate on the Canucks and their fans a lot, but I will miss the way the inhabitants of GM Place sing the Canadian national anthem together. If there’s one thing they’re doing right, it’s that. Anytime the singer can stick the mic in the air mid-song and have the crowd take it from there, you know you’ve got a good audience. Oilers fans at Rexall do it well too.
So, with those developments, we’re down to 3 contestants and teams. Here’s what we have left:
Jonathan Toews, Brent Seabrook, and Duncan Keith – represented by Rich Abney.
Mike Richards and Chris Pronger – represented by Ryley Herzog.
Dany Heatley, Joe Thornton, Dan Boyle, and Patrick Marleau – represented by Rob Cunning.
Did that big duface Chris Pronger and the Flyers make themselves contenders after pulling off the greatest playoff upset in history (only 3 teams in history have ever come back from a 3-0 deficit to win the series; the Flyers were the only of those teams to comeback from a deficit in the last game to win as well), or did they just burn themselves out to get lit up by Montreal next round? In that same notion, are the Canadiens a legit Cup contender now, after knocking off arguably the 2 best teams in the playoffs? As long as Montreal doesn’t keep spoiling everyone’s fun, one of our contestants will be our champion in 2 rounds of play.
Also, I think I’m going to allow someone to select Corey Perry, who has a chance to win 2 championships for Canada in the same year; that is, if Canada’s B Team can go all the way at the World Championships. As I’ve said before, that World Championship title doesn’t seem to mean a whole lot when the best players in the world are not competing for it. It’s far from a Stanley Cup, but it’d still be pretty cool. Any takers????
Can Jonathan Toews change his last name’s spelling to Tayves already, or some other phonetic spelling that makes sense? There really wouldn’t be any worry about disgracing the family name I’d think, Johnny’s easily the top Toews around. Just a thought.
Double Championship Challenge Update, and Food for Thought… Where To Find The Best Cooking and Wings in the World!
First, an update on our remaining candidates in The SDC Blogs’ Double Championship Challenge, and their respective representatives:
Jonathan Toews, Brent Seabrook, and Duncan Keith – represented by Rich Abney.
Sidney Crosby and Marc-Andre Fluery – represented by Grant McMillan and Adam Whitmore.
Patrice Bergeron – unclaimed.
Mike Richards and Chris Pronger – represented by Ryley Herzog.
Dany Heatley, Joe Thornton, Dan Boyle, and Patrick Marleau – represented by Rob Cunning.
Mike Babcock – unclaimed.
Roberto Luongo – represented by Casey Fodor and Jeff Bourne.
Good Luck to all participants! I’ve got a feeling we’re going to see a Chicago-Pittsburgh final… we”ll see what pans out!_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
——————————————————————————————————————————————————
_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Now for something completely different, some good old-fashioned blogging non-sense….
Recently, I got my annual box of Girl Guide cookies. Every year I have the same thought: why can’t they sell boxes of just the vanilla cookies? They’re just so much better than the chocolate row. I can never find anyone in time that’s willing to trade all my chocolate cookies for all their vanilla cookies. I ate them all. Don’t act like you’ve never eaten an entire box yourself.
**************************
I just don’t understand why Saskatchewan is the only place on the planet that knows to mix hot sauce and ranch together to make buffalo wings. It’s an incredible combination; dare I say the best one out there for chicken wing sauces. I always have to order a side of ranch dressing with my wings at restaurants, because no one here knows what I’m talking about. Shoutout to the Moose Jaw Brewsters/Cornerstone Pub for making the best wings I’ve ever had, anywhere.
**************************
Avocadoes are runaway the best vegetable on the planet. Probably ever. Put them on anything and tell me the food’s not instantly better. Good for you too. And with great avocadoes, of course come great guacamole, which is currently dominating even Old El Paso salsa (best salsa EVER) in my chip-dipping world. So hot right now, Avocadoes.
**************************
Never, EVER, turn down Mexican food made by an actual Mexicans. I don’t mean the North American infused Tex-Mex stuff you get at Taco Bell or Taco Time, I mean a homemade meal cooked the way that was passed down through Mexican families. I’ve been incredibly fortunate to experience it twice, and man, it’s on another level. Fresh cooked corn tortillas, guacamole, salsa, refried beans, and whatever meat happens to be on the menu… freaking incredible. So good…
**************************
There should be a rule against selling/growing mandarin oranges with seeds in them. Ever buy a box of oranges that was full of seeds that just absolutely wrecked your day, all because after you bit into the orange slice and crunched down on an unexpected and unwelcomed seed? I’ll tell you what it is, the problem arises when you buy “Chinese” oranges instead of “Japanese” oranges (the traditional Christmas oranges). No I don’t dislike Chinese people for all those jumping to conclusions, I just need the right oranges sent over for me to demolish with pleasure. That’s not too much to ask, is it?
Nothing Says “Best in the World” Like a Stanley Cup AND a Gold Medal In The Same Season.
As all of Canada is aware (and most of the US is pretending not to know anything about it or what we’re talking about) CANADA WON THE OLYMPICS AND WE’RE THE BEST IN WORLD AT MORE STUFF THAN EVERYONE ELSE ESPECIALLY HOCKEY STILL.
With that in mind, I was thinking the other day, that there’s a handful of Canadian hockey players that played for Team Canada this past Olympics and won gold there, that have teams that qualified for the NHL playoffs, and have a shot at winning the Stanley Cup this year. So for the following list of players (and coaches), there’s a HUGE opportunity to pretty much have the awesomest year of hockey possible, if they were to win both championships in the same season:
Vancouver Canucks – Roberto Luongo
Pittsburgh Penguins – Sidney Crosby, Marc-André Fleury (does it count if you didn’t play any games?)
New Jersey Devils – Martin Brodeur, Jacques Lemaire
Chicago Blackhawks – Duncan Keith, Brent Seabrook, Jonathan Toews
Nashville Predators – Shea Weber
Los Angeles Kings – Drew Doughty
Philadelphia Flyers – Chris Pronger, Michael Richards
San Jose Sharks – Dan Boyle, Patrick Marleau, Dany Heatley, Joe Thornton (does it count if you didn’t contribute?)
Boston Bruins – Patrice Bergeron
Detroit Red Wings – Mike Babcock
Buffalo Sabres – Lindy Ruff
Members of the Sharks and Blackhawks have the most personnel with the opportunity. But don’t count out Sid and Fleury’s Pens (mostly Sid’s), Brodeur’s been playing out of his mind for Jersey so far, Doughty may be a darkhorse, wily ol’ Mike Babcock and the Wings always have a chance. You can count out Luongo.
So, here’s what I am proposing. I will allow people to post their bets for Stanley Cup Champs/Olympic Gold aka “Double Hockey Awesomeness & Supremacy” (name subject to change), via the comment board. Once the last team is eliminated in the first round (to the nearest millisecond) I will tally the final ballots, and close the wagering. Until the cutoff time, feel free to change your votes, but be warned, I will only take your last choice at the elimination of the final first round team. The person(s) who correctly choose the correct players/team that win it all this year will receive….something, from me. I’m thinking an SDC Blogs t-shirt that says “I’M THE SMARTEST MAN/WOMAN ALIVE”, or something like that. I’ll let you know when I get it nailed down. Whatever, everyone likes t-shirts, right?
*** SDC TRIVIA: Who was/were the last player/players to win the Stanley Cup /Olympic Gold aka “Double Hockey Awesomeness & Supremacy” in the same season?***
(no prize awarded for this one)
So with that, happy betting! Enjoy the playoffs, and may the best/luckiest person win!
GO KINGS GO!