Guest Post: Tommy Thumb, Peter Pointer & Buttons

Hi folks!

I was recently sent this article from my grandfather, Bill Cunning (inventor of “Panic! Crossword Challenge), and thought it was rather clever and insightful — and may even give you people some idea of where I get my knack for nonsense from. 

I hope you enjoy it as much as I did. 

===================================

Tommy Thumb, Peter Pointer and Buttons

I have always believed in paying tribute to deserving people and so the following missive is dedicated to three “unsung heroes”. It’s hard to believe that they have done up and undone more than 400,000 buttons so far in my life. This does not include many other unnamed buttonings.

Have you ever threaded a needle, or even peeled an orange? If so, did you pay attention to see what natural actions were in motion during the process? Well what actually happened was that your brain told your eyes to see the problem, and then your thumb and first finger grabbed the thread and aimed it toward the eye of the needle held by the other thumb and forefinger. A similar action took place to peel the orange, sometimes with the help of your finger nails. Our brain organized the whole procedure from years of practice of threading needles or peeling oranges or buttoning. All this activity goes on and we probably do not realize it. And what about those similar actions that take place automatically when lacing shoes, scratching your skin, putting on socks, flipping a coin, testing food, zippers, light switches, using a fork at meal times, counting paper money, opening and closing Venetian blinds, playing a guitar, and so on… 101 jobs for them.

Those fingers really do not know what they will do until a problem arises. For instance, when your finger touches a hot pot it doesn’t know it’s hot until it sends a message, via some nerves, to our brain. The brain then tells the finger that “the pot is hot, take your finger off of it”. So that may be how most of our bodily actions take place.

This story is about Tommy Thumb (our thumb), Peter Pointer (our first finger), and Buttons. My education in perfecting the art of doing up and undoing buttons probably began about 80 years ago, born in Regina in wintertime when I was about four or five years old, learning to operate the buttons on my long-john combinations. In those years my pants had three buttons to close the fly (If someone noticed that a button on the fly was undone, they would say, “It’s one o’clock at the water works”). Then came shirts, sweaters and winter coats. Shirt cuffs were quite tight in those days and the buttons had to be undone to be able to get your arm into the sleeve. Thank goodness that manufacturers eventually made a looser cuff. There were usually five or six buttons to close a shirt. My sweaters were also button up as zippers were not common then. Pants braces had six buttons and overcoats either winter or rain, had four or five large buttons. It’s amazing to witness those two digits on both hands go about their business of finding a button and locating a hole to place it in. In time I became proficient in that job and could even do it with my eyes closed.

Now to the point of this article – an estimate of how many buttons I have done up and/or undone on my clothing from age 4 until age 85.

Daily Routine:

Age 4 to 14	days	years	total	buttons	total done up
combinations-winter	90	10	900	4	3,600
sweaters-winter	90	10	900	4	3,600
shirts-daily	365	10	3650	5	18,250
pajamas-daily	365	10	3650	4	14,600
overcoats-winter	150	10	1500	4	6,000
Total					46,050

 

Age 15 to 65
pajamas-daily	365	50	18,250	4	73,000
shirts-at home	365	50	18,250	5	91,250
shirts-business	260	50	13,000	5	65,000
sweaters-weekly	52	50	2,600	5	15,000
overcoats-winter	150	50	7,500	4	30,000
Total					274,250

                                                 

Age 66 to 85
pyjamas – daily	365	20	7,300	3	21,900
shirts-at home	365	20	7,300	5	36,500
shirts-casual	182	20	3,640	5	18,200
sweaters-casual	182	20	3,640	5	5,200
coats-winter	90	20	1,800	4	7,200
Total					89,000

 

Grand total
Age 4 to 14	46,050
15 to 65	274,250
65 to 85	89,000
Total buttoned up	409,300

Then I had to unbutton all 409,300 of those buttons!!!!

The next time you are dressing, take a moment to watch the activity as  buttons are being done up. Then give your thanks to our “unsung heroes”.

Product Review: The Tape Tiger by 3M Hockey

Hi folks! The following is a product review done by friend of the blog, Rob Cunning. Rob is a software developer at Thinkingbox, an Athletic Therapist working out of the Langley/Vancouver BC area, and also my brother. He formerly was the AT for the Mt.Royal University Cougars men’s hockey team, and Trinity Western University Spartans men’s soccer team and men’s & women’s volleyball teams. He also played a little puck for Trinity Western University of the BCIHL, and some baseball for the University of Calgary Dinos, Kelowna Jays, Kwantlen Eagles and Burnaby Bulldogs too.

That all being said, Rob recently reviewed 3M’s Tape Tiger, a new hockey tape removal device, and below are his findings. Enjoy!

-SDC

Follow @davecunningFollow @FlexMasterRobFollow @thinkingbox_Follow @3MNews

==========================================

The Rob Report:

 

The Tape Tiger by 3M Hockey

The Tape Tiger is a new device from 3M’s Elite Series of hockey products, and is highly effective for easing the hassle of tape removal from a player’s hockey stick blade.

After using it, I was reminded of the “Shark” tape cutter, a tool Athletic Therapists use to remove tape from an athlete’s taped body part – a great tool which we use often in our field.

Upon using the Tape Tiger, I found that it removed hockey tape well, and did not leave any cut marks on the blade afterwards. Also, it did not matter which side of the blade I cut on, it was effectively removed the tape from both faces. However, I think it would be easier to remove tape from the backhand side of more curved blades with this tool, in my opinion.

The Tape Tiger was also able to cut through multiple layers of tape, for those who like to double-wrap (inexcusable, by the way), and have inadvertently thickened their tape removal problem.

It was really easy to cut fresh/more recent tape off of a blade with the Tape Tiger, however it did have some difficulty removing older tape (tape on a stick for 1+ years, maybe from that stick in your basement you haven’t re-taped since minor hockey, for example). That being said, it did get the job done in the end.

If ever necessary, the Tape Tiger’s blade may be a bit time consuming to change, as you have to unscrew it from the body in order to facilitate replacement. Once it’s unscrewed though, the replacement process is pretty easy – it only requires the user to slide the old blade out, slide a new one in its place, and retighten. However, treat it right and its stainless steel blade should serve you well for many seasons before any maintenance is required.

The deluxe version (which I demo’ed) comes equipped with a few handy little extras that the original version does not include:

1) A stone for removing burrs and nicks from skate blades – perfect to tune up an edge in a pinch when you’ve lost one mid-game and a trip to the hockey shop for a sharpening is out of the question.

2) A lace tightener – which is useful, but not something I’d use. Perhaps it would   be useful for a younger player still learning to tie their skates, or someone who struggles to tie their skates tight enough, but personally I can tie my skates well enough with my hands at this point. But again, useful if a scenario calls for it.

3) The lace tightener also triples as a bottle opener and a flathead screwdriver–great for beer league hockey, or any sort of post game celebration in the dressing room; and for when some knucklehead brings bottles into the dressing room instead of cans for the post-game.

4) The screwdriver is perfect for tightening or removing helmet screws, and possibly skate screws depending on which brand of skates you own.

5) There’s also a key ring thrown into this Swiss-Army knife-like mix, for, you know, attaching your keys to.

Overall, the Tape Tiger is a great device that does exactly what it says it does – quickly and easily removes hockey tape from a stick blade. Plus, it provides extra tools for situations that all hockey players encounter at some point and need a tool for. It’s especially great for players who already lug around toolbox worth of gadgets in their bag and could use some consolidation. However, if you have one of these, you run the risk of either becoming that guy with all the weird tools in his bag, or else the guy who never gets to use his own sweet stuff because everyone’s always borrowing it. It would be an asset to any team’s equipment manager too.

I rate this product as a buy. Pick one up at your local Canadian Tire next time you’re in one and chuck it in your hockey bag.

 *************

For more info, visit: http://www.3m.com/intl/ca/english/centres/home_leisure/hockey/3Mhockey-tapetiger.htm

Or their Facebook page: www.facebook.com/3MHockey

To browse 3M Hockey’s full-line of Hockey Canada backed Core & Elite Series hockey products, visit: www.3MHockey.ca

Product Promo video:

[Guest Post] Tony Shin — Gamers Get Girls

Got this passed along to me from Tony Shin at onlineuniversity.net — So for all of you gaming guys who want women, but prefer warlocks, or want to get girls but spend more time with digital ghouls, then by Tony’s numbers, there may be hope for you to level-up in real life yet. 

-SDC

==========================================================

follow Tony Shin on Twitter: @ohtinytony

http://www.onlineuniversity.net/gamers-get-girls/

Created by: Online University

[Guest Post] Large Corporation Sticks It To Young Sniper and Family

Hi folks! 

Dee Mason has been kind enough to contribute a guest post for you.  A well-written article on the family that lost out on $50,000 after his twin boys pulled the old switcheroo and the wrong boy shot and canned a shot from centre ice, but dad’s conscience made him admit the stand-in.  See what you think, and weigh in your opinion with a comment below!   Dee is a freelance travel and sports writer (the colder, the better!) and writes on behalf of a luxury ski holidays site. Feel free to shoot the breeze with her on dee@wikivee.com!

-SDC
=============================================================================================================================

[ Source: http://abcnews.go.com/News/twin-boys-50000-hockey-shot-danger-posed-brother/story?id=14308901 ]

An 11-year-old boy makes a miracle shot during a contest. Problem was, the name on the ticket was that of his identical twin brother. Does it matter? It’s not like the kid sent in a ringer! He did not throw in Wayne Gretzky to take his shot, but rather the spitting image of himself. Not to mention the fact the promoters did not know the difference. Now the company is not going to give the family the $50,000.

RIGHT TIME?

Let’s analyze this. I do understand the father’s decision to teach the kids honesty, but in that moment was it the smart thing to do? If the twins had truly cheated, put a magnet in the puck, ran across the line or some other thing to cheat the system than yes, you should tell. But your brother takes the shot? Is that really dishonest? What if the one twin had just been shy instead of off in line somewhere? Is what happened really cheating?

CORPORATE BIAS

Then think of the company. When you pay to borrow products such as party rentals, truck rentals, DJs and sporting goods, all the companies reserve the right to substitute a “like” product. You might not get exactly what you want but you will get something similar. Isn’t that what happened here? Now the company is denying these boys a great savings account, a potential college education; wouldn’t the good image alone be enough reason to give the family the money? Let’s be realistic about where the money would go in the first place. The money benefits the same family no matter which child earned it. Likely a father with this kind of honest bone would have started a decent sized college fund for each of the twins. Wouldn’t that look good for the promotions company?

PUNISHING HONESTY

This is just another example of being punished for honesty. As long as Americans keep knocking down people willing to tell the truth, the more dishonest people become. Honesty and integrity needs to be celebrated. One should be able to own up to bad judgment or a questionable call without being sent out to pasture. All the twins have learned is to lie if you want to get ahead/if you are honest you get nothing.

THE SPIRIT OF THE GAME

The whole spirit of the half-time hockey promotion is charity. Watching an adorable little boy in Minnesota make an impossible shot is awe-inspiring. It gave the entire crowd a warm and fuzzy feeling. The spectators left feeling anything was possible. The hope alone is worth 50 grand. The insurance company attempted to make things better by offering $20,000 to youth hockey programs in the boys’ names. Why not give the twins the $20,000? Not only is the total $30,000 less it is to a non-descript supposed program. How does one track such a donation?

RECOGNIZING THE RIDICULOUS

While the family stands up for the “honesty is the best policy” standpoint, it has to be incredibly disappointing to make an 89-foot shot through a hole slightly bigger than the puck and get nothing for it. Supposedly the choice of who shoots is random in the first place. So how can the company legitimately say it is unfair for the twin to take the shot? If it is truly random, this could have happened to anyone. This is just another example of a company offering something it believes no one will have capitalize on, so any loophole is worthy of getting out of paying the money.

REWARDING INTEGRITY

I love what the Dad tried to teach here. I would love it even more if the company worked to be as responsible as the father and reward integrity. To logically look at the rule and the kids and realize it really does not matter which child took the shot only that he MADE the shot. As an outsider, I now question anything Odds on Promotion does. All this says to me is the company looks for a way out of living up to obligations while others live up to theirs. “We appreciate the eventual honesty,” Mark Gilmartin, President of Odds on Promotion says, but what he really means is, we appreciate it because we now don’t have to pay. When you select random kids to do something, children who come without ID, it seems like any child should be able to make the shot.

[Guest Post] 2011 Round 2 NHL Playoff Drinking Games: 2nd Round’s On Me

Hi Folks, Sorry for the hiatus.  My wife, mother-in-law, sister-in-law, niece, and nephew and I all took off to Cabo San Lucas, Mexico, for a little Easter vacay.  After being removed from all english-speaking media for nearly a week, I came back to see that my LA Kings got bounced, Vancouver nearly blew their 3 game lead and went to 7 with the Hawks, somehow the Predators are in the 2nd round, and I think some other stuff happened too.  A lot can happen in 7 days I suppose.  Big shout-out to the hotel bar for getting SkySports and showing a few select playoff games.  Other than that, it was surprisingly easy to be cut off from my phone, computer, email, facebook, twitter, blog, etc for a week.  I suggest everyone give it a try sometime.

MOVING ON…. I’m pleased to bring back guest poster, Peter Nygaard (aka @RetepAdam on Twitter) for 4 playoff series’ worth of suggested supplementary drink-along material for you to enjoy the second round with, after the popularity of his first installment.  Continue to, or begin to Follow Peter on Twitter for coverage, analysis and whatever else throughout the Stanley Cup playoffs.  He occasionally tweets for @FVSports , so pop by there too.

Enjoy!

–SDC

▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒

Well, that was quite a first round. Between the 14 overtime games, bitter rivalries and countless subplots, the most exciting aspect of the first round was that it was once again a scoretacular affair. For the second straight year, goals came at a clip of nearly six per game in the first round, and there were nearly twice as many games that featured 7+ goals as there were games with less than three. In the context of this column, what that means is that everybody who participated in the First Round Drinking Games got schwasted. 

Yet, somewhere amidst the belligerent stupor, I discovered a newfound ability. My knack for predicting events such as Alexandre Burrows’ series-winner has become so apparent that I’m going to go ahead and say that it borders on precognition.

That’s right. I’m saying I’m psychic.

But I’m not going to lure you in with claims of knowing how the future will unfold, only to turn on you, my loyal reader, and demand a sum fee for a display of my powers. No, I will be giving away these babies for free. So, throw out your Magic 8 Ball. Make chai out of your tea leaves. Sit back and enjoy as I give you a little glimpse of the future.

==============================================================

(1) Washington Capitals vs. (5) Tampa Bay Lightning

Rules:

-Drink 2 seconds for every penalty, 5 seconds for every fight and finish your drink for every goal.

-If the announcer mentions Alexander Ovechkin and Steven Stamkos in the same sentence, take a drink.

-If the fact that the Tampa Bay Lightning have won a Stanley Cup while the Washington Capitals remain Cupless makes you laugh, take a drink.

-If that same fact makes you cry on the inside, finish your drink.

-If somebody in the room mentions Dwayne Roloson’s name, “The Rock Rule” goes into effect. The first person to successfully pull of an “IT DOESN’T MATTER” doesn’t have to drink while all other players must finish their drinks.

-If Sidney Crosby’s name is mentioned for no apparent reason (i.e. in any context other than discussing Tampa Bay’s first round series), take a drink.

-If the Lightning make some sort of weak pun on their team name as part of a home crowd motivator, take a drink.

-If Mike Green makes an excellent defensive play, pour a drink into your gaping, wide-open mouth.

-If you’re listening to the game at such a high volume level that Washington’s home goal siren causes your neighbors to call the cops on you, finish your drinks on the go.

What the Future Holds…

-After two years of Bruce Boudreau not following John Tortorella’s lead, Capitals alternate captain Mike Knuble will finally take matters into his own hands by skating up to Ovechkin during a break in the action, ripping the ‘C’ off his jersey and placing it on his own.

-“Seen Stamkos?” is no longer used mockingly to refer to the Tampa Bay star’s scoring drought, after he breaks out with a multiple goals in the first three games of the series, and reverts to its original meaning of asking Tampa Bay citizens whether they’ve seen him play. The answer remains a resounding “No.”

-Versus and NBC take every opportunity to show the Flyers-Bruins series instead of this one, leading most fans to not really have more than a vague idea of the series score, just like both of the teams’ first round series.

Prediction: Capitals in 6; Toasted in 4

 

***************************

 

(2) Philadelphia Flyers vs. (3) Boston Bruins

Rules:

-Drink 2 seconds for every penalty, 5 seconds for every fight and finish your drink for every goal

-Returning favorite: If the Philly crowd boos (or cheers for Boucher in its own particular… idiom), take a drink.

-If the Flyers blow a lead of any sort (game, series, whatever), take a drink.

-If you’re watching on NESN and the announcers homer up the Bruins, take a drink.

-If the Stanley Cup is mentioned, drink two seconds if you’re rooting for the Flyers; drink three seconds if you’re rooting for the Bruins. One second for each decade since either team has won it.

-To counteract the media hype for this series, after the clinching game, finish an additional drink for every game short of 7 that this series ends.

 

What the Future Holds…

-Every journeyman goalie ever will watch this series and daydream about what might have been.

-Fed up with Tim Thomas’ continued resurgence, Tuukka Rask will convince team brass to trade Thomas to Philadelphia in exchange for Keith Van Horn.

-After the series ends, Chris Pronger will tearfully reveal his puck-collecting addiction on the most-watched episode of Hoarders to date.

 

Prediction: Bruins in 5; Friggin’ hammahed in 2

 

***************************

 

(1) Vancouver Canucks vs. (5) Nashville Predators

Rules:

-Drink 2 seconds for every penalty, 5 seconds for every fight and finish your drink for every goal

-If “Alex Burrows” and “hero” are said in the same sentence, take a drink.

-If it even appears like Alain Vigneault is considering replacing Roberto Luongo in net with Cory Schneider, take a drink.

-If a Preds player complains about the lack of focus placed on them this series, take a drink.

-If a Canucks player isn’t exactly sure where Nashville is, finish your drink.

-If a game in Nashville gets canceled due to inclement weather, develop a greater understanding of what living here’s been like for the past year and change — and finish two drinks.

-If, by contrast, Vancouver seems like the nicest place in all of North America to live, take a drink. (Note: Having been there, it does.)

-If you live in an area where Versus isn’t part of the television package (for instance, the Vanderbilt campus), drink until the Grizzlies game looks like the Preds game.

 

What the Future Holds…

-The losing goalie in this series will not win the Vezina Trophy. Also, the winning goalie in this series will not win the Vezina Trophy.

-After struggling to hold Hart Trophy frontrunner Corey Perry in check last series, Nashville captain Shea Weber will have an equally difficult time stopping Daniel Sedin, to the point where after the series ends, he will swear that there are “two of him out there.”

-After reading that last joke — another one in the tired series of twin jokes — you will probably just skim the next section and scroll down the pick.

 

Prediction: Canucks in 5; Iced in 5

 

 ***************************

 

(2) San Jose Sharks vs. (3) Detroit Red Wings

Rules:

-Drink 2 seconds for every penalty, 5 seconds for every fight and finish your drink for every goal

-If the Sharks miss Evgeni Nabokov, take a drink.

-If the Red Wings miss every playoff goalie they’ve had in the past decade not named Jimmy Howard, take a drink.

-If San Jose fans take a page out of the Detroit playbook and throw a shark on the ice for good luck… that’s freakin’ awesome.

-If Detroit is a man down, drink for every second Darren Helm holds the puck.

-If a member of your viewing party is named Joe, he must be referred to as “Little Joe” for the rest of the series, as “Big” and “Jumbo” are already taken.

-If San Jose’s home goal song gives you the urge to break out your old Super NES, take a drink.

-If Detroit’s home goal song gives you the urge to break out your old Jock Jams mix, take a drink.

 

What the Future Holds…

-With yet another impressive playoff performance, Johan Franzen overtakes Ray Finkle as the most famous athlete to be nicknamed “The Mule.”

-Joe Thornton will rest on his laurels as playoff hero and not even bother to show up for the rest of the series for fear of diminishing that reputation.

-After making this series pick, I will proceed to be sick with myself.

 

Prediction: Red Wings in 6; Regretting it by tomorrow

[Guest Post] A Cause I Hope You’ll Consider Supporting.

Hi again, folks!  The guest blog feedback has been interesting.  Hope you’ve enjoyed the posts!  The latest is from my younger brother, Rob, who wants to let all of you know about something he is doing, and how you can support the cause.  Without any further adieu, please enjoy the latest guest blog, and please consider supporting him.

-SDC

======================================================================================================================================

======================================================================================================================================

Greetings!

I hope this post finds you well.  My name is Rob Cunning; Dave’s brother.  This year, I am finishing my Athletic Therapy practicum at Trinity Western University in Langley, BC.

Since I’ve been at TWU, I’ve really been challenged to grow in all aspects of my life.  We call this the ‘Complete Champion Approach’. Trinity is serious about helping build us all into future leaders and has programs in place to help us grow physically, educationally, mentally, and spiritually.

Part of the “CCA” is an opportunity to travel internationally with the team and serve people who are less fortunate than us. This year, the men’s soccer team (who I am the trainer for) has the opportunity to travel to Cotonou, Benin in West Africa from April 28-May 10/2011.  While in Benin we will partner with SportAid (the humanitarian arm of Athletes in Action)and Global Aid Network and their ‘Water for Life’ well drilling program, and to help bring God’s love to the people of Benin through word and deed. The main partnership will revolve around helping GAiN’s ‘Water for Life’ program which provides deep capped wells for villages across the country. For more info on this program please visit www.globalaid.net/about/water

This trip is also vital to the development of our athletes. TWU Athletics is committed to excellence on the field but we are even more committed to helping produce student athletes who are ‘Complete Champions’. The Complete Champion approach is holistic and looks to improve all areas of life. On this trip our athletes will experience the hardships others face, grow in leadership, have a chance to serve and give back, and grow in their spiritual journey.

Our basic mission is to help serve in various villages around the main city of Benin.  More specifically, here’s what we’ll be doing while we’re there:

• Help complete a drilled well (pour well casing and install pump).

• Teach hygiene and sanitation seminars in villages.

• Run soccer clinics for village children.

• Distribute soccer equipment. Most villages do not have a soccer ball.

• Participate in building a church meeting structure in villages that do not haveone.

• Play matches against local competition.

• Share God’s Love with those we serve.

TWU has sent teams all over the world the last couple of years but this is the first trip for the men’s soccer team. Needless to say we are very excited to see the results of this trip. I’m sure we will bring great joy to the people we visit as well as change within ourselves.

We cannot do this on our own though.

This team is made possible by interested individuals such as you who are willing to invest in our mission, and in that way become part of our team as we travel and compete.  Each member of our team is asked to raise $1,500, which is a portion of the team’s goal.  These funds will cover part of the costs of accommodations, food, travel, and materials. The overall program is raising the other half.

Would you help me take part in this unique opportunity this summer by giving a gift of $50, $100, or $200, or some other amount?  Please know that any amount will be helpful and greatly appreciated.  You will be helping bring clean water, hope, and love to the people we serve while in Benin.

If you would like to support me in this opportunity, please send your check (made payable to The Spartan Foundation) in the self-addressed envelope assoon as possible.  PLEASE DO NOT WRITE MY NAME ON THE MEMO LINE OF THE CHECK BUT INSTEAD WRITE MSOC BENIN TRIP.  Because of my status as a collegiate athlete it is important that my name does not appear anywhere on the check.   Your gift will be tax-deductible.  For information on how to deliver your donation, please turn to the next page. I’ll let you know how the tour goes and all that God does in my life while I am there.  Please help us make a difference.  Thank you for your support!

To Give:

1. Make cheques payable to The Spartan Foundation (MSOC Missions Trip in Memo)

2. Send to PO Box 31052

RPO Thunderbird Village

Langley, BC V1M 0A9

OR Call 604.613.7710 to make credit card donations

OR contact me directly if you have any questions or concerns regarding the trip or your donation: email: robert.cunning@mytwu.ca phone: 250 859 3381 or Facebook.

[Guest Post] Grant McMillan On Hockey Blogs, Bloggers, and Some Canucks Predictions & Nostalgia.

Hi Folks, hope you enjoyed our first guest post.  Did anybody play by any of the rules?  Keep me posted on your results, everyone.

I’m equally pleased to bring you our second guest poster: Grant McMillan of Langley, BC.  Grant’s a good friend of mine who also has his own blog (one about Registrar-ing, and the other about Woodcarvings he does which are quite good and you should buy), and not one but two Twitter identities.  Follow the links and stalk at will.  He was the Registrar at Briercrest College (where I got my degree and played hockey for four years), and how has moved on to the same gig at Trinity Western University, where, oddly enough, my younger brother just graduated from.  GMac has been facilitating Cunnings graduation from post-secondary education since 2006, so the least I can do is slot him in for a guest post.

He’s also a tested and true Canucks fan, and I’ve let him run with that, plus some interesting notes on hockey blogs and bloggers in general.  Two asterisks’ I have to mention are that I have no recollection of the call he says I made on him whist refereeing a game of his (though I did take my share of hits to the head over my career), and also that I’m not so much a Blackhawks fan as I am an anti-Canucks fan.  So with those clarification points and precursors, I won’t give away anymore, so read on!

Enjoy!

–SDC

=======================================================================================================================================================================

=======================================================================================================================================================================

Hey!  I am Grant McMillan, and I blog about everything except hockey (I have two blogs going right now), but not because I don’t enjoy hockey. I do enjoy it very much, but up till now I haven’t written about it because I’ve been either reading great hockey blogs (like Serenity Now) or I’ve been trying to avoid reading bad hockey blogs (as you’ll see below).

I’m a regular reader of Serenity Now and I am a fan of Dave’s writing and humour. He knows hockey because he’s played at a very high level and he’s even refereed games I’ve played. That’s important for me to respect his writing, although I still say he missed the call when he gave me a penalty for fighting. I mean, come on, turtling does not count as fighting. It might count as a scrum after the whistle… but I digress.

I’ve also been holding out because I think too many people who don’t really know hockey are writing about the game they know not. For an example of this, check out the sorry state of “hockey” blogging at http://vansunsportsblogs.com/topics/hockey/pass-it-to-bulis-hockey/

I happen to know both of these dufuses (one of them works for me in his day job). Neither has played hockey at any level before – in fact, neither of them can outskate my dearly departed grandmother. Yet they both seem to think they can write about hockey. Thank you very much for trying but some people should stick to playing scrabble.

As I said, these are the reasons I’ve been holding off blogging about hockey. Dave probably didn’t realize what he was getting into when he invited me to write. I mean, it would be hard to find a more hard-core Vancouver Canucks fan than me. As proof, I loved Harold Snepts before Dave was even born! I was at the rink for Tiger Williams’ first game and first fight as a Canuck (which was about 30 seconds after the start of the game). I yelled myself hoarse cheering for Stan “The Steamer” Smyl in ‘82 and cried myself silly in ’94 when Kirk McLean and Trevor Linden leaned on each other after the big loss. Yup, I even bought a Canuck’s jersey as proof of my fidelity. So when Dave trashes the Canucks and says he’s cheering for the Blackhawks, I usually write him a snarky note. Why he invites such ridicule is beyond me.

And he’s going to be facing a lot of ribbing from me this year because my beloved Canucks are going to win the Stanley Cup. The best part? He’s going to go down early because the Blackhawks and Canucks face each other in the first round. That’ll be a brush-off for facing real teams. The Hawks are decimated; the Canucks have a chip on their shoulder. Yep, life is going to be difficult for Dave in the next two weeks.

And I can’t wait to rub it in. Heh heh heh…

Ok, now back to my other blog where you can trash-talk me all you like: http://grantmcmillan.wordpress.com/2011/01/29/a-new-carving-blog/

 

[Guest Post] 2011 First Round NHL Playoff Drinking Games

Hi Folks,

I’m pleased to bring you our first guest poster here at The SDC Blogs.  Peter Nygaard (aka @RetepAdam on Twitter) of New Jersey has 8 series’ worth of suggested supplementary drink-along material for you to enjoy the first round with.  I’m sure we’ll be checking back in with Pete for the following rounds as well.  For those of you who may not be so enthused with me promoting alcoholic consumption, please, relax.  Enjoy the humor, and substitute any beverage you feel to be more suitable.  It’s all in good fun!  I think the post is hilarious.  Follow Peter on Twitter for coverage, analysis and whatever else throughout the Stanley Cup playoffs.  He will also be occasionally tweeting for @FVSports if you really can’t have enough.

Enjoy!

–SDC

===========================================================================================================================

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

===========================================================================================================================

In case you live under a rock or in a television market that doesn’t get Versus (looking at you, TeleVU), you’re probably already aware that the 2011 Stanley Cup playoffs begin Wednesday.

In the meantime, the procession of predictions and prognostications has begun. Every network has five analysts debating the mettle of each of the sixteen teams, poking and prodding at their cracks and stating without a shadow of a doubt that each series will play out this way or that way. TSN even has a trained monkey that they trot out every now and then to offer up its picks. But enough about Pierre McGuire (zing!); I digress.

In lieu of a traditional playoff preview with positional breakdowns, analysis and insight, I’ve decided to go in a different direction: Drinking Games. Because what’s better than kicking back and watching playoff hockey while enjoying an adult beverage?

That was rhetorical. The answer is “Nothing.”

So, without further delay, here is your guide to getting an early start on your team’s celebration — or drowning your sorrows after an agonizing defeat— series by series.

==============================================================

(1) Washington Capitals vs. (8) New York Rangers

Rules:

-Drink 2 seconds for every penalty, 5 seconds for every fight and finish your drink for every goal.

-If the announcers mention the Capitals’ playoff woes, take a drink.

-If footage is shown of the Capitals’ playoff woes, drink for three seconds — one for every series Washington has lost as a higher seed under Bruce Boudreau.

-If you think Boudreau is probably dropping an ‘F’ bomb, take a drink. (Note: For health reasons, do not include intermissions)

-If Boudreau is actually shown dropping an ‘F’ bomb on live air, finish your drink.

-If the Rangers score a powerplay goal, in your best Sam Rosen expression, shout “That’s a powerplay goal!” and finish your drink.

-If the Capitals change goalies sometime during the series, finish your drink and change drinks for the rest of the series.

-If the Rangers change goalies sometime during the series, whack your TV as hard as you can to fix the colors — then finish your drink and change drinks for the rest of the series.

-If Mike Green is shown driving a moped, finish your drink as fast as you can. The last player to finish must finish another drink.

Penalties:

The Sean Avery Rule: If a player obstructs any other player’s view of the TV by waving his/her arms, the offending player will have to go get the next drink for the obstructed player.

The Tortorella Rule: If a player sprays his/her drink at another player or strikes another player with a bottle, the offending player will be suspended for the duration of one game.

The Alexander Semin Rule: If a member of your playoff viewing party disappears for an extended length of time, you may heckle him/her relentlessly unless he/she returns for the rest of the series.

Prediction: Capitals in 7; Buzzed in 3

***************************

(2) Philadelphia Flyers vs. (7) Buffalo Sabres

Rules:

-Drink 2 seconds for every penalty, 5 seconds for every fight and finish your drink for every goal.

-If the Philly crowd boos, take a drink.

-If they return from commercial for games in Buffalo without showing the soul-crushingly bleak surroundings at the HSBC Arena, take a drink.

-That should pretty much do it, in all honesty.

Penalties:

The Pronger Rule: After finishing a drink, do not let another player take your drink for any reason (disposal/refill/etc.). If your empty falls into possession of another player, you must finish his/her current drink.

The Nick Bakay Rule: If the camera crew spotlights a celebrity in the stands of a game in Buffalo, shout “Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo,” run a lap around the room and finish your drink.  (Note: This will probably never happen, so just don’t worry about this one.)

The “Amurrica” Rule: If Ryan Miller makes an incredible save and you are drinking an import, just leave the room.

Prediction: Sabres in 6; Tanked in 1

***************************

(3) Boston Bruins vs. (6) Montreal Canadiens

Rules:

-Drink 2 seconds for every penalty, 5 seconds for every fight, 10 seconds for every fight in the stands and finish your drink for every goal.

-If either crowd boos the opposing team’s national anthem, take a drink.

-If either crowd sarcastically cheers the opposing team’s national anthem, finish your drink.

-If Milan Lucic breaks a pane of glass, finish your drink and switch to bottles. If you’re using bottles, switch to glasses.

-Any mention of Benoit Pouliot’s name immediately triggers a game. If the announcer says “Benoit,” players must respond “Balls.” The last to do so drinks. If the announcer says “Pouliot,” players must responds “Pooli-oolio.” The last to do so drinks.

-If the series does not go to seven games, continue drinking on the scheduled dates for the unnecessary games as though it did.

Penalties:

The Zdeno Chara Rule: When Boston is at home, the tallest player in the room is allowed to introduce any set of rules he/she wants into the game.

The Brian Gionta Rule: When Montreal is at home, the shortest player in the room is allowed to introduce any set of rules he/she wants into the game.

Prediction: Bruins in 7; Rioting in both cities

***************************

(4) Pittsburgh Penguins vs. (5) Tampa Bay Lightning

Rules:

-Drink 2 seconds for every penalty, 5 seconds for every fight and finish your drink for every goal.

-If the camera crew shows Sidney Crosby watching the game, take a drink.

-If the announcers compare Steve Yzerman to Mario Lemieux for no apparent reason, finish your drink.

-If a Penguins fan uses the words “if,” “but” or “injury,” take a drink.

-If someone in the room wonders aloud why Tampa Bay has a hockey team, take a drink.

Penalties:

The Dwayne Roloson Rule: In complete disregard to the laws of nature, the oldest player in the room must be depended upon to drink twice for every instance of drinking.

The Crosby Rule: If a player loses consciousness, drop everything to discuss how soon he/she will return to action.

Prediction: Lightning in 6; Lingering headaches the day after

***************************

(1) Vancouver Canucks vs. (8) Chicago Blackhawks

Rules:

-Drink 2 seconds for every penalty, 5 seconds for every fight and finish your drink for every goal.

-If the announcers mention a member of last year’s Blackhawks squad who is no longer with the team, take a drink.

-If the announcers mention the Canucks’ playoff history with the Blackhawks, take a drink.

-If Jonathan Toews’ sideburns connect to his chinstrap, finish your drink the first time they show him onscreen.

-If Vancouver wins the series — and you are a Vancouver fan — finish your drink and run outside to join the mini-riot that will likely follow the clinching game.

-If Vancouver wins the series — and you are a Chicago fan — finish your drink and calmly flip back to the Bulls game.

Penalties:

The Sedin Rule: If a player can successfully switch drinks with another player and get that player to drink from it, the player must finish both drinks.

The Patrick Kane Rule: If a player mentions the word “taxi,” he/she must pay for the next round. Exact change.

Prediction: Canucks in 6; Drunk in 5

***************************

(2) San Jose Sharks  vs. (7) Los Angeles Kings

Rules:

-Drink 2 seconds for every penalty, 5 seconds for every fight and finish your drink for every goal.

-If San Jose’s goal horn gives you the urge to break out Super NES, take a drink.

-If the announcers say the words “California,” “Golden State” or “Bay Area,” take a drink.

-If Ryan Smyth does a hair flip with his mullet, take a drink.

-If the announcers make an awful pun on Jonathan Quick’s name, take a drink.

-If you hear the name “Joe,” take a drink.

-If the announcers say the word “Finland,” take a drink. If they say the word “Finnish,” listen to the man.

-If Dan Boyle shoots the puck into his own goal, finish two drinks.

Penalties:

The California Rule: If nobody watches you finish your drink, it doesn’t really count.

The Sharks Postseason Rule: If someone should start choking, give him/her the Heimlich Maneuver, but also reflect on the irony of the situation.

Prediction: Sharks in 5; Shwasted in 2

***************************

(3) Detroit Red Wings vs. (6) Phoenix Coyotes

Rules:

-Drink 2 seconds for every penalty, 5 seconds for every fight and finish your drink for every goal.

-If the announcers refer to last year’s series, take a drink.

-If Phoenix has a sellout crowd, finish your drink.

-If Detroit does not have a sellout crowd, finish your drink.

-If you see an octopus — real or plastic — take a drink.

-If the announcers mention any city in Canada, take a drink.

Penalties:

The Shane Doan Rule: If a player uses a French word during a game in Phoenix, all other players should ignore him/her for the rest of the period.  (Note: This includes all references to “Belanger” and “LaBarbera,” but “Bissonnette” may still be referred to as “Biz Nasty.”)

The Hakan Andersson Rule: If any player has Scandinavian heritage, he/she is to be praised relentlessly throughout each game in Detroit.

The Darren Helm Rule: The player who finishes his/her drinks the fastest shall not be rewarded in any way, shape or form.

Prediction: Red Wings in 6; Relocating in a week

***************************

(4) Anaheim Ducks vs. (5) Nashville Predators

Rules:

-Drink 2 seconds for every penalty, 5 seconds for every fight and finish your drink for every goal.

-If anybody on TV or in the room says the word “Mighty,” take a drink.

-If Ray Emery gets in a fight, drink for 10 seconds.

-If Teemu Selanne gets in a fight, finish your drink.

-If the announcers use the words “Vezina” or “Hart,” take a drink.

-On Nashville goals, each player must yell out “Sheeee-yooooot!” The last player to do so must finish his/her drink.

-On Anaheim goals, each player must yell out “Emiiiilllliiiiooooo” The last player to do so must finish with “The Mighty Duck man” or finish his/her drink. (Note: If the last player does say “The Mighty Duck man,” see Rule 2.)

-If any Anaheim player uses a triple deke or the Knucklepuck, or if Anaheim as a team goes into “Flying V” formation, finish your drink.

-Lastly and most importantly, if any player can identify me in the crowd at a game in Nashville, he/she may dole out as many seconds as he/she pleases.

Penalties:

The Jonas Hiller Rule: If a player loses his/her balance, he/she must remain on the floor for the remainder of the period.

The Nashville Rule: The player with the fewest teeth may introduce any rule he/she chooses during games in Nashville.

The #DanEllisProblems Rule: The player with the most money in his/her wallet at the start of each game may sit in the worst seat available.

Prediction: Ducks in 7; Blackout in Nashville

==============================================================